Ako pa naman, 'Di ba?

Nineteen

Last year on college.

Without Atticus Wren by my side. Ah, lovely day.

I was just quiet the whole year. I only focused on my academic works. Sometimes, it's impossible to not miss him at all, but I got through it.

Many times, he attempted to go to me, but I can't seem to face him that time. I felt like I was neglecting his feelings, that I didn't even notice his problems.

Like I was not even worth every good thing Atticus Wren had given me.

I still like Atticus Wren. But I chose to not do anything about it.

Because he was happy. And that has been my goal since I met him. Even though another person is doing that for him, it doesn't matter. As long as he is happy.

I still love him, but not that kind of love that makes me wanna be with him.

Graduation came.

And I saw him with his boyfriend, making their way towards me.

I didn't know what to do. I want to go and hide, but that would be so rude of me.

Kapag ginawa ko yun, parang sinabi ko na rin na hindi ko siya tanggap sa kung ano siya. Parang kinain ko lang rin yung mga sinabi ko sa kanya.

And it has been so long since he attempted to talk to me and I would hide. Maybe this is the right time to talk to him.

So I faced them with a genuine smile on my face.

"Ri, can we talk? Kahit five minutes lang?"

I nodded. Maybe, this is the closure that I have been waiting for for almost two years now.

Napunta kaming dalawa sa likod ng school, kung saan sila unang nakita. Gusto kong matawa pero pinigilan ko kasi, ano nga ba ang nakakatawa?

"Ri, I know that we had a rough ending. I want to fix that. Can you hear me out, please?"

I really wanted to cry that time. Pero pinigilan ko.

And I still smiled at him like the old times.

"Alam mong minahal naman talaga kita, 'Di ba?"

Pero pinigilan ko na siya don. Alam ko nanaman yung sasabihin niya.

So I crossed the distance between us and hugged him.

"Everything is all right now, Wren. I won't make you stop your feelings because you're human and you deserve the happiness that you have right now."

I heard him snifle.

"Kasi kapag pinigilan kita noon at pinilit na ako nalang, parang sinabi ko na hindi kita tanggap. Parang pinigilan kita kung sino dapat yung mahalin mo. Unfair yun para sayo, kaya hinayaan kita kasi mahal kita." I told him, begging myself to keep my voice steady. I let go of him and faced him with a smile. "So you can forget about my feelings, Wren. I do still love you, and seeing you happy makes me happy too. And maybe this love that I feel for you is different. You were my best friend first before I loved you. And I missed you so much," and I cried harder that I ever did my entire life.

Because Atticus Wren was the reason. And he was worth every tears.

And we just stayed like that for a couple of minutes until we were called by our own families.

But we never lost touch.

We would often meet up, and sometimes, he would bring Jace, his boyfriend. He was a good guy so I didn't have to worry too much for Wren. He was in good hands.

And he was the happiest when he's with him.

And that's so much better.

It made me feel better.