Aligned With The Stars (Montereal Series #3)

[19]

"You can't love two people at once, Santi."

Umalis ako sa pagkakandong niya sa akin at umupo nalang sa tabi niya. I removed my shoes and rested my head on the couch, facing away from him.

"Stop giving me false hopes... hindi nakakatuwa 'yan..." I muttered.

Silence. Once again, silence took over us. Napapikit lang ako ng mariin dahil sa usapan namin na iyon.

"I'm sorry..." I heard him say. "Hey, baby. Face me. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—"

I pouted until my tears fell on my own. Bigla nalang akong humgulgol dahil hindi ko na kinaya ang sakit na nararamdaman sa dibdib. I'm not used to faking my emotions, and I cry easily when I feel it.

"Shit, sorry." he held me tighter and caressed my head to stop me from crying. Yumakap naman ako sa kanya at patuloy na umiyak. "Shh... babe. Please stop crying... it hurts my heart to see you cry."

"Ikaw kase e!" iyak ko. "You know how much I love you! Tapos sasabihin mo 'yon? Don't you know that it's bad to play with people's feelings?"

"But I really am in love with you already..."

Napa-angat ako ng tingin sa kanya na nakakunot ang noo. Umiling ako ng paulit-ulit.

"You're just saying that because you pity me. I don't need you to pity me, Santi. I told you I'll wait right? Kaya bakit mo ba minamadali ito?"

He sighed heavily. "I'm not. Totoo ang sinasabi ko. I just needed a little time to figure this out, but now I know what I want. I want you. I'm in love with you, Amara Daphne Villada. I want to be with you..."

Napaiwas ako ng tingin sa kanya at tumayo. I had my hand on my waist and the other on my head.

Bakit kahit sinabi niya iyon ay hindi ko pa rin ramdam? Why do I feel like a second option? Na dahil sinabi kong mahal ko siya'y iniisip niya na agad na mahal niya na ako. Magkaiba kase 'yun.

"Let's just eat," I said, breaking the silence. "I'll forget what you said. Gutom na ako, kaya kumain nalang tayo."

"Daphne," he called, standing up to hold me again. Umiwas naman ako sa kanya.

"I'm hungry. Let's just eat." sabi ko at dumiretso na patungo sa dining niya.

I heard him sigh again. Sinubukan kong pigilan ang pagtulo ng mga luha ko. Iyon lang din naman ang hinihintay ko noon pa, pero hindi sa ganitong paraan. Hindi ganitong kabilis.

We ate in silence. Wala ni isa sa amin ang nagsasalita pagkatapos nung nangyari.

I stared at my plate, trying not to look at him in the eye. Accepting his feelings is tempting, but I know that it's not true. Just like what Cyan said, I should guard my heart.

"Daphne," he called after minutes of silence. "I'm not used to this. Talk to me, please. I'm sorry that I brought that up but I just wanted to be honest with you. I—"

"Don't say the word," I swallowed before lifting my head up to look at him. "Can we talk about something else? What about christmas? Where will your family spend christmas?"

I tried to smile although it doesn't reach my eye. Nagsimula nalang ako magkwento tungkol sa mga klase ko. I didn't want to bring down the atmosphere. I pretended that nothing happened at all.

"Please... why can't we talk about it?" he said, holding onto my hand. "Why can't we talk about us?"

"Because there's no us yet, Santi. Do you understand that? Na hanggang mahal mo pa rin si Ate Tria, there's no us. I told you, didn't I? I'm willing to wait. But not like this, you don't have to return my feelings just because you pity me."