bad girls

27

Alyssa

Clary thinks I should get over what I did in the party. But she didn't see what I did. She only knows what Melany told them, which isn't much. I remember yesterday pretty clearly. Chuck didn't tried to rape me, whatever we did was because I wanted to. I started everything, it is all my fault.

We're sitting at a table far enough from any social contact, which relieves me. The only social contact we can make is with this weird blond kid Clary is crushing on. Doesn't she have a boyfriend? I don't know, but I don't think that will stop her. I try to focus on my food but then I see him. Chuck. He is next to Dakota's friends. He is laughing and acting like he did nothing. I want him to acknowledge me, but at the same time I hope he never makes any contact with me ever again. I may cry if he even looks at me, I don't know what the hell I may do if he talks to me ever again. I look down to my plate, I don't think I want to eat this or be here at all.

Dakota's friend, Gabriel, is coming towards us. With Chuck by his side. I feel the tears coming. I swallow the lump in my throat and try my best not to cry. I look at Dakota and she is basically drooling at the sight of the black haired boy. Well, I don't really blame her, Gabriel is pretty hot. God, did I really just said that? I mean he is hot, but not as much as Chuck.

Well, Chuck isn't hot, he has something. I don't really know what, but it attracts me to him. Which is something I need to comprehend, how the hell do I like someone like Chuck? I met him just yesterday. Under the influence of marijuana. How can I have any feelings for this completely inappropriate person? But it felt good to be with him. I don't know if it was the pot that felt good or being with him. And because of that, I want to find out what it was that made me feel so good for the very first time in my life.

And I am going to find out.