Amnesia (Negan x Reader)

9. Damned Emotions

An instant expression of concern appears on Negan's face, and it takes him a moment to realize what's happening. You can see him adding all the pieces together in his head when he glances between you and Simon; who has now slowed his pace down from a run to a relaxed walk.

He suddenly pulls you in a protective embrace and looks down towards you as you start sobbing uncontrollably. "Did he hurt you?" He asks.

You look up at him and even with your blurry, teary-eyed vision you can't help but admire his imperfectly perfect features. You nod at his question and he walks up to Simon, who has a pleased look on his face.

His expression is quickly wiped away when Negan punches him square in the face, the same spot you had stricken him only a few moments ago. He continues to beat him until laying on the floor, his eye already turning purple and swollen. Negan finally speaks up and aggressively forces Simon to stand up by grabbing the collar of his jacket. "You better hear me loud and clear. Because I'm only going to say this once. Do not ever touch her. Ever again. Because the next time you fuck with me, it's not just your face that's going to be burned off." 

Simon says nothing to this, knowing that anything he's going to say will only aggravate Negan further. There's a mixture of fear and confusion in his face, probably because he can't understand why Negan's so concerned about the welfare of a insignificant girl like you.

Negan takes Simon inside the sanctuary with him, and you can hear him call over Dwight and a couple of other men to deal with Simon.  You don't realise you've been standing frozen in the same spot until Negan finally comes out on his own. 

"You okay?" He asks, taking a few cautious steps towards you. Just that simple question coming out of his lips breaks you, your eyes welling up with heavy tears.

"Am I okay? How can you even ask that? Of course I'm not okay! I've just been assaulted, I don't know if my family is still safe and I've had to spend every breathing moment of the past week with the monster that killed my friends! Do you remember now? What you did to Glenn and Abraham? Who you truly are?!" You shout, shoving him repeatedly. 

His raises his eyebrows in shock, he takes a few steps back to avoid your shoves. He sits down on the steps of the door and rests his head between his hands. You watch him in confusion, not expecting his reaction. You were ready for him to fight back, scream back at you and you would have preferred that...because it would have proved to you that he's as evil as you've been trying to convince yourself he is in the days you've spent with him.

A few minutes of silence are broken by him finally answering. "I remember. I remember it all." He slowly looks up at you, "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? Sorry for what? It's my fault for trusting you. My fault for letting my guard down, for letting myself feel something for you. I knew what you were capable of and yet I still let myself like you. For all I know you could've planned this whole damn thing. You could've ordered Simon to follow me out here and do the things he did, only for you to come out and act a hero...to manipulate me further" you say, pacing back and forth as you run your fingers through your hair.

Negan stands up, walking towards you. "I can't erase the past, I know that. But I promise you, none of it was planned. After what you just said, it all came back to me. I know I'm a terrible man but I swear to you, all I want is to keep you safe."

He reaches his hand up to touch your cheek, but you flinch backwards. "Don't." He doesn't hide the pained expression on his face. 

"I shouldn't have let you leave on your own. I was pissed you wanted to get away from me so desperately, but I can see why now. I'm sorry he touched you. He's going to get what the bastard deserves. I've made sure of it." 

You're filled with so many different thoughts and feelings, you can barely process any of it. Instead, you bring yourself to focus on your original goal; to get back to Alexandria. "I have to get back to my family, I don't want them worrying any longer."

"Okay, let me take you there." You're surprised by his offer, but you have to force yourself to bury any feelings for him that aren't hate inside you. You keep trying to remind yourself of the bad things, but your mind constantly replaces them with something good. Him saving your life, his smile, his sarcastic jokes, his lips on yours...

"No." You say, in response to his offer as well as to your own intrusive thoughts.

"Look, you said you want to get back to your family as soon as possible. It'll take you a day to walk back and it'll only take me a couple of hours to drive you there. It'll be just me. No one else. Let me do this one last thing for you. It's the least I can do." He says, almost pleading. You can't understand why he wants to do that for you and why he's pretending to care. But getting back to Alexandria safe and sound is a lot more appealing than being attacked by zombies in the middle of the night.

"Fine. Take me home."