green eyes in the dark

Chapter 4

This old abandoned house is the reason I'm surviving right now. The green eyes came out of the dark to go get me food. I feel overwhelmed, so I go back down.  No one would care enough to do that kind of thing. I'm shaking and my knees are light paper. I need to sit. I try to do so without hurting myself, but I fail by a lot. I twist my ankle and I fall. I'm tired again.
My hair is annoying me. I can do whatever I want with them now. I take a rock that looks sharp and I cut my hair as short as possible. I see what caused me so many problems fall right beside me. I was trying to fit in back outside. I couldn't feel like myself. Ever. I don't know if the worst was after or before, but I left because it was hard.
I can't stand up anymore so I lie there hurting. Hurting by the outside for once. It feels good to be hurt in another way than emotionally.

- You're hurt.

I don't hear it coming. It doesn't scare me, but it surprises me. Emotions still turned off.

- I know. You don't need to remind me of something that just happened.

My voice is hoarse. It looks around and then the green eyes are on my hair. Instantly, the emotions are turned on.

- What did you do to your hair?

The question doesn't sound like a complaint. It's really just a question.

- I cut them.

- You could've asked for scissors. I would have brought you scissors. Or anything else that's sharper than a rock.

- How do you know I used a rock?

- I just know.

Wrong answer. It starts talking again.

- I also know you saw the house.

The house. I almost forgot about it.

- Who's house is this?

- It used to be mine. I lived there before coming here.

My eyes go bigger. So many new questions pop in my mind.

- How? Why? When? How?

I can see the smile in its eyes.

- I would change my corpse every time I went outside of the house. It was too hard for me to make people see the same thing every time so I would change a small thing until it was a completely different person. People didn't see at the beginning, but over time more people realized. At that time everyone feared me, but they had started to construct the tunnel right under where I lived. I decided I would never go outside of that house except to get to the tunnel. I came here more and more often so left the house and came living here.

- So you weren't the person people were expecting.

The words fall out of my mouth. I can't believe I focused more on the fact that it was changing a little every day. I wonder what its was name. It must have been an old name or a complicated one.

- Green.

- What?

- That was my name. Green.

- Is it still your name?

- I don't know. Maybe. I wasn't happy back then, even with my emotions turned off, and I associated this name to it. But I loved my name. I liked how it wasn't part of me because people said it to me, but also because it was part of me physically.

I had already caught it, but I need to say it out loud to completely get the meaning of that word.

- Your eyes...

- Yes. It was the only thing that never changed.

- What did you look like? I mean the first time you went outside.

I don't need to know this information, but I want to. I want to know what people saw before they got something else. I want to know what people had to see when it passed in front of their own eyes.
The green eyes look at the floor then go back to me.

- I had brown short hair. I was tall.

- A little more details please.

It takes a big breath, gets closer to me and goes back to the exact spot where it was three seconds ago. I can feel the hesitation in everything it does. It starts again.

- I had short straight hair. They were brown, but almost as dark as night. With bangs that always were in my eyes. Except when it was windy outside. My legs were long, but they made me walk gracefully. I'd never fall. I had fine fingers with the palest skin you've ever seen. People said they were as soft as a cloud falling from the sky. My throat would slowly roll every time I'd swallow. It made me clench my jaw a little. I had the pinkest plump cheeks and freckles that were so numerous you could almost not see my nose. Nose that was rubbed. My lips were soft even though faded. They were close to not moving when I talked, but they were. I had big gooey eyes with long eyelashes. And my eyes... Well they were the same as now. Even though people back then were used to seeing women in dresses, I've never worn one. I'd wear suits. The darkest ones with the most radiant blue. A different one every time. No ties. Sometimes a hat, but I hated to hide my hair from the wind. I wore the same small brown shoes every day. I show a woman dressed like a man. I've never been into boundaries so I showed people that there shouldn't be.

I don't know if my eyes are closed or open anymore, but I know the green eyes are closer to me now. I'm trying to imagine it in my head.
The fingers.
The lips.
The legs.
The clothes.
The hair.
The neck.
The cheeks.
The eyes.
It's so pretty I don't think anyone could imagine something different than what I'm seeing in my mind right now.
I should ask it.
I should ask what I've been wanting to ask for a while.
I should ask what I didn't have an answer for the first time I did.
I should say the words that are burning my lips.

-  Why did you turn on your emotions when you saw me?

It doesn't leave this time. It stays firmly here. In front of me. Even closer than a minute ago. There's a long flat silence. The kind of silence that burden every second that passes. It takes another deep breath. I wonder where the air comes from and goes. It's not like it has lungs. That makes it more powerful in a way.
Breathing no air.
The pause is almost burning me. It's so long, I forget I asked a question. I think I forget that I'm existing. But it talks again.

- You were intriguing.

After this last word, it turns off its emotions. I stand up without thinking. Forgetting my ankle. I fall just as fast as I stood up. It hurts now. I want to cry and I feel good at the same time. It's weird to feel like this. I hate this feeling at that thought. I'm tired of my life. I don't want to hurt anymore. In any way.
I remember I had another question.

- Can I call you Green?

It looks like it's going to cry. It won't. I'm not even certain there's water in that maybe yes maybe not. For once I couldn't tell if my question will be left unanswered. I also don't know if the switch is still off.
I'm scared of the answer. The reason: none. I'm still scared. I love that name. Maybe not for me but for the green eyes, it's perfect.

- Yes. You can call me Green.

I smile. Of relief and joy. It feels crooked. It's been so long since I smiled.
I fall asleep imagining the beauty of Green in its human form. Looking at the same eyes I've been looking at for the past 4 days. I feel the protection, but also the hesitation that is always there, inside of Green. I guess you can never really turn off emotions.