Tainted

8

"Why"?

"Cause in a way, I see myself in you and by some miracle I got better, stronger mentally and physically and I want that for you too".

He says it like it's so simple. Getting stronger, being strong. I didn't think it was.

Before Novu I'd have thought myself as a strong person but now, I'm not even sure of who I really am and it sucks. I'm caught in a constant state of limbo and I'm tired of it.

"Alright" I hear myself saying before I even comprehend it and I know it's the right step. "Yes, I'd like to learn how to be better, stronger" I say with more confidence.

He smiles at me as though he had seen or heard my internal conflict and nods, admiring the courage it took. He stands up and gestures for me to follow him. We enter his cabin that's styled just like mine and I wonder why they built them this far out in the first place.

"Excuse me sir I..."

"Ronan" he interrupts me. "The name is Ronan, use it"

"Of course si.. I mean Ronan but why exactly are these cabins so far out? I can't imagine many males or females having a tainted mate" I ask as I take a seat.

"No. It was originally built during a feud our pack had with another. The male warriors went out to fight and then some of their mates went into their heat so they had to be secluded. You should be grateful it isn't heat season yet"

"Yeah I am. Not that it would matter" I say with a little chuckle but he doesn't join in my humor.

"Tell me what happened" he says bluntly as he stares at me.

"Why"?

"Because you have to talk about it, you have to open up. It's a step in the right direction to getting stronger. And because I'm curious that way" he says and I smile, albeit a sad smile.

"It's not a pretty story"

"I want to hear it anyway" he insisted.

And so I did.

I told him everything. From my family to the day I was captured. I talked about my thoughts and regrets about that day. I told him about Novu. How I was tortured, bound gagged, whipped. I poured everything out and didn't even realize when I started crying and he let me.

He let me cry, he told me to cry until I couldn't and still cry some more and I did. It was strangely cathartic and I felt so light afterwards. And so I continued. I told him how I prayed to never meet my mate while still being a captive cause I knew I wouldn't be wanted again and the horror I felt when I met his brother.

When I was done, I realized it was night out. I had spent the whole day with Ronan and it felt good. He offered me dinner and we talked or more like I talked some more. I can't remember the last time I spoke so much in my life, if ever.

When I got up to leave, he asked me to come back early the next day but I should wear clothes I could run in.

I slept well that night. No nightmares, just peacefully slumber and I love it. I work up a little before dusk and got ready before setting out to Ronan's cabin. He was ready when I got there so we set out on a run. He said we'd build up my stamina and work it up from there.

For the first time in a long time, I looked forward to something and it felt amazing.

***

"That was good. I loved how you worked in that move" Ronan said to me six weeks later. I basked in it a little because getting praise from Ronan is like pulling teeth.