The Protection

Forty-Seven

I stood at the mirror adjusting the red graduation dress which fit much better since I hadn't eaten very much in the past few days. I had no appetite. Kyler had encouraged me to eat whenever he could, buying me all of my favorite foods, but since the Chinese food night, I simply wasn't very hungry. I didn't know if it was the horrid dream Kyler and I both shared or something larger, but I definitely felt off. It felt like I had an elephant sitting on my chest and my heart had been shoved up into my throat at all times. A storming dark wall cloud loomed threatening on the horizon of my emotions at all times. 

I grabbed for the infamous bathroom countertop as my stomach flipped. The red of my dress, the red of the rabbits matted fur, the red of Ben's blood as it shot in spurts from his neck. My eyes swam, and I took a step back, nearly twisting my ankle in the six inch black heels. Yet another last minute gift from Beth. I regained my footing but stood dazed, staring at my heavily made up face in the mirror. I had forgotten about the vision I had of Ben's death. I ran so quickly to save Dalan that day, I wasn't even sure I had really seen it. I didn't know how it had slipped from my mind so easily, but the vision had never come to fruition. So why was I still seeing it? Did this mean it could still happen? My stomach twisted into knots. Sure Ben and I weren't exactly on speaking terms, but I would never want anything bad to happen to him.

My mind felt like it was all over the map these past few days. Hyper focused on everything but not focused clearly on anything. It was like I was driving a million miles an hour, with no brakes and a blindfold covering my face. I shifted back and forth in the terrible expensive shoes gripping onto the counter as the sick feeling returned and another vision threatened. Tell daddy I said hello. I could smell the way the man's breath stank of rotting fish in the alleyway and the excruciating pain as blood poured from my severed arm. I glanced down at the thin white line on the inside surface of my now healed arm, back in my body in the bathroom again. My father. Yet another item on my unsolved life agenda. It still bothered me that Kyler was so damn hesitant to talk about him. He promised he would tell me everything and explain why the assailant had mentioned him, but he had been outright avoiding the subject ever since. My suffocating finals schedule had kept me from pressing Kyler further, but I couldn't help feel as though my father was the missing link, the piece needed to complete the puzzle. His role could be the central reason as to why there were people threatening me, why my life had turned even more unstable. Maybe he owed someone money. Maybe this was some kind of elaborate underground mob hit...

I closed my eyes hoping to find the answers to all my questions somewhere in the expanse of my jumbled mind, but a soft polite knock on the door broke my looping thought process. Beth stood looking stunning, her golden waves cascading freely down her shoulders, reminding me of the way she looked in the doorway the morning after Peter.

"You look so pretty," she gushed and handed me the steaming cup of tea she made me every morning. I tried to take a sip, but the earthy liquid was too hot. She beamed at me, and I put the cup down on my nightstand, pulling her in for one of our old-fashioned best friend hugs. Ever since I had gotten the letter and told her I had gotten into medical school, our friendship had never been better. She showered me with praise and even gifted me a rose gold stethoscope and a matching rose gold embroidered lab coat.

"You look stunning," I praised, taking in her dress that was the color of fresh snow on a quiet Oregon winter evening. Beth was perfect. She always had been.

"I can't wait to visit you in Portland and meet your mom and finally do all the things we have always talked about," she said wistfully, twirling easily in her gold high heels while her dress circled around her petite body. I couldn't believe that after all these years Beth still had yet to meet the mother who made me and see the place where I grew up. The dingy streets of Chinatown, the shops at Clackamas Town Center, the iconic steps of Pioneer Square, eating a doughnut at VooDoo Doughnuts, getting matching white heart tattoos at Captain Jack's. Plans we spent four years formulating. Plans that would never come to fruition.

"I told you I'm not sure if I am going," I mumbled, digging my fingernails into my palm. I hoped she couldn't tell that I had already made up my mind. That I wasn't going to medical school. She eyed me warily. "I think I still may just to take a year to myself first." I shrugged and acted as if the decision was no big deal. Helen had officially invited me to join The Protection after graduation and I accepted. However, I still hadn't told Kyler. I didn't know how to tell him. I wasn't sure he would fully understand the decision had ultimately been mine. I had spent many sleepless nights tossing and turning debating the decision. I had seen first-hand the power The Protection had over Kyler, and had to decide if saving others was worth giving up my entire life for an organization I knew so little about. Ultimately, I had decided that the sacrifice was worth it. I knew somehow deep down in my bones that I was destined to be a Protector, that despite my life ambition to be a doctor, this was bigger.

Beth's eyes turned cloudy and her expression froze slightly, changes only I would notice from our years of friendship. I frowned. I knew Beth wanted what was best for me, but this was getting a little ridiculous. Her fascination with me becoming a physician had overtaken my own desire to ever become one. She aimlessly twired a golden strand of her hair around her fingers.

"Let's get out of here. We can't be late for our own graduation. After all, I'm the bitch with the speech," she mused as I followed her into the hallway, catching a glimpse of her bathroom mirror as we passed. Her mirror read: "Be Your Own Future" in big bright red lipstick. The 'e' looked oddly familiar. Likely from our years of living together. I smiled as I was definitely "being my own future" by getting to choose my path forward. A path that was my own and no one else's.