Forever And A Day

Fifteen: The Present

I stopped at a 24/7 garage just outside a small town in the Northern Cape province .

It was  late at night, but I needed to fill up my car's tank with petrol or I wouldn't get anywhere . I was hungry too and needed something to eat before I passed out behind the steering wheel later.

I decided to go into the 24/7 store and grabbed two pies that was probably leftover from earlier that day . I didn't mind . I wasn't picky . At least the pies wasn't old and rotten . I've been in shops that sold two day old pies before and let me tell , it's something really nasty .

On my way to pay for the pies I stopped at the fridge for a bottle of juice and a bottle of water .

I would drink the juice now and save the water for later .

I didn't speak much to the people from the garage . I wasn't in the mood to talk . I only stayed polite ,saying thanks and have a nice evening . Be polite always ,right?. No matter what was wrong in one's life .

The highway was void of any other cars as I drove down it after driving through the small town a few minutes later .

I would eat as I drive . I didn't want to stay in one place for too long . I needed a plan of where I wanted to stay as I sorted out things .

I was deliberately trying not to think much of what I've done. I know I just had to leave .

I know I've left my kids behind and that makes me a bad mother ,but they're safer with Max . He has the means to provide for them while I didn't have much money in my savings account to take care of them right now.  I hope that they would forgive me for this one day .

I sighed deeply , clenching my fingers tightly around the steering wheel . There I went again . Thinking of my kids and what I've done . 

The guilt ate away at me for leaving without talking to them about why I wanted to get away .

Was I being selfish? . I suppose I am .

I pursed my lips and gritted my teeth .

I would have to see this through . There was no turning back . I've already driven this far .  I needed this time away from everything even if I have to leave my kids with their cheating bastard of a father .

I took a deep breath , trying to compose myself . I needed to focus on the road before me . I didn't want to get myself in an accident . I still have to think about the children even if I left them .

My cellphone beeped where it lay on the seat beside me . It had beeped earlier also ,but I hadn't paid attention to it . There was no use . The only people who'd contact me is my parents, Max's parents and Max himself. It doesn't take rocket science to figure out who would call or send texts .

I would check later and they should know by now that I wasn't going to answer them .

My cellphone beeped again and I  groaned before reaching out with one hand and picking it up to press the button on the side to switch it off . I didn't spare a glance at the messages showing on my phone's screen . Later I would definitely deal with it.

I throw my cellphone back on the seat and turned my full attention back to the quiet long deserted road before me .

I felt lighter after that . Relieved even. No more distractions . No more people who controlled my life. No more Max ,at least for now I think . There would be a time when I would have to talk to him seriously . That time was just not now. In the future yes , I believe .

For now it was me , myself and I . It's how it's going to be and I wasn't going to let anyone change it .

Or will I ?.