Rebellion on the Rebels

Chapter 1

Peeta looked up into my eyes and smiled.

"Really?" He asked, happiness shining everywhere on his face.

It was hard to believe that only a few weeks ago, that smiling face had tried to kill me. He didn't know he was doing it of course, but he still did it. For a breif moment I remembered the anger and hatred in his eyes when his fingers were clenched around my throat, squeezing the oxygen out of me.

My mom says that should have killed me, that I should be dead. That I'm lucky to be alive.

I say I wish I was dead.

I looked into Peeta's eyes, but warily. I couldn't get lossed in them now, not when I had something so important to tell him. I looked into his eyes for as long as I could without seeming crazy. I knew it would be the last time I was this close to him.

"No," I said quickly and stood up. "Not real."

I grabbed my coat and gloves and slipped on my boots so fast he still hadn't blinked. I turned the doorknob and looked behind me. He was staring at me, a million questions written on his face. His eyes pleaded for me to stay. I resisted the temptation to grin or stick out my tongue at him.

I turned around and walked away.

* * *

The funny thing about being alone is that you're given time to think about anything and everything. Except I didn't think about everything. I only thought of Gale.

He was in District 2, so far away it would be several days of walking. I just knew I had to see him again. I wondered if he had a phone in his house, wherever that was. Even if he did I didn't have his number. I considered looking for a car, but then what? I didn't have the faintest idea how to drive.

As I walked around the Victor's Village, I wondered where my mom was and what she was doing. Probably still taking care of woundeds from the war.

Eventually I gave up what I knew I was subconciously trying to do. I jogged to the fence and slid underneath it. I wondered what would happen to the fence once the aftermath from the great war against the Capitol was over. Would the electricity for the fence be turned on? Maybe not for me. I am technically still the Mockingjay. Most people I know hate me for whatever reason, but the people who don't know me personally love me. I was the reason the war had ended, the reason most of us were alive. Most of us.

That made me think of Finnick, how he had died so we could go on and kill President Snow. All of a sudden, something that Finnick had said hit me like a rock.

He said I loved Peeta. He said he saw it plain as day. He said there was no way it was an act when his heart stopped, no way that I didn't love him. He said he knew.

He didn't.

When Peeta's heart stopped in the arena, I thought it was over. I looked at him with love in my eyes, but it was love for myself. If he died, I would be killed, because I would no longer be the innocent girl with the berries. Whatever I did after that would be cold and calculated, like the move with the berries actually were. Peeta was my protection, my protection from death.

I didn't want to die. I still don't.

I sat down in the dirt and waited. I didn't know what I was waiting for, other than for a person. It would be Peeta of course, but I didn't want to see him. I wanted to see Gale.

I deffinetely owed Peeta more than an apology. All I owned and getting out of his life forever wouldn't even be enough. He loved me, more than anything and he never stopped. Even when he tried to kill me, he loved me. It wasn't him. I owed him so much more than an apology, but that's all I could give him. I couldn't give him my heart. Gale already had it.

I stood up. No more wandering around the woods. Time to get things done.

I ducked back under the fence and jogged back to my house. Peeta was gone. It didn't surprise me at all. I picked up the one phone my house had and dialed the number of the one person I knew I could always count on.

"Hello?" Johanna Mason greeted into the phone.

"Hi, it's me," I replied. "I told Peeta."

I could practically hear Johanna grinning from wherever she was.

"About time," she chuckled and I heard her sit down on something. "How did he take it? Did you tell him about Gale?"

"I have no idea and no," I sighed and cupped my chin in my other hand. "I don't know what to do now. I could just pack up, go to District 2 and never see him again, but that wouldn't be fair to him."

"Fair to him?" Johanna gasped in mock disbelief. "What about me? This is my entertainement. Your pathetic love life is what keeps me from blowing things up and turning everyone I meet into ax blocks."

A slight smile quirked at my lips and my frown fell. Of course Johanna would be the one to say that.

"Well, what do I do?" I asked seriously. "Flee to the Capitol and live under your bed?"

"Yes!" Johanna drawled sarcastically. "We could kill things and drop things on people out of my top window!"

"Sometimes your sarcasm worries me," I sighed. "I don't know what to do."

"That wasn't all sarcasm," she retorted. "You really should come live with me. Then you'll be twelve districts away from Peeta and only two districts away from Gale. You might even be able to see him every weekend."

"Easier said then done," I groaned and walked over to the window that looked out at the village. "What do I say to Peeta? 'I never loved you, the act never stopped and I'm moving to the Capitol to be with Gale?"

"Yes!" Johanna cried. "Just say it with less sarcasm. He's a puppy dog, he won't yell at you. He'll just be broken for the rest of his life."

My mouth dropped open as I realized she was right. I needed to fix what I had done. I hung up the phone silently and slowly put my coat back on. I walked to Peeta's house as if in a dream. The world was slowly spinning from side to side and I knocked on Peeta's door with my shoulder. He opened the door and I fell forwards into him, taking a coat rack with me.

"Katniss!" Peeta cried out. "What are you doing?"

I stood up quickly and leaned against the door, trying to be casual. Peeta stood up slower and brushed off his pants. Finally he looked at me.

"I'm sorry," I choked, coming off the door. "I am so, so sorry."