In quarantine

What is it she want ?

*Emilia*
The police have just been here to pick up the guys, it had taken them almost 3 hours with everything going on, but they had thanked the guys many times for stopping them.

I have to admit it scared me.. I had kinda seen this place as safe.. at least from the virus and .. well guys like those who attack us.. I thought the only thing I would suffer here was heartbreak.. not that it isn't bad enough.. but no this has really rattled me.

I needed some air so I am walking on the grass out back. Zac is standing by the porch looking at the sunset.. he looks tired.. he should be proud I think he acted strong when needed but also very smart and brave.

"Hi mi amante". Pilar wraps her arms around him from behind, resting her head against his broad back as he places his hands on top of hers.

"Hi babes.. are you okay ?" He says softly. "You need to tell me if you feel any anxiety building okay ? If you feel scared in any way".

She lifts her head and makes him turn to face her. "I am okay Zac.. I have you to protect me and the way you handled that makes me feel very safe.. but what about you ? How do you feel ?"

He gently brushes the hair out of her face, keeping a hand on each side of her face. "I am okay.. I have to admit that I was scared.. scared they would hurt any of you.. but most of all you.. I would not be able to handle if anything happened to you.. to be honest I totally get Nick wanting to kill that bastard.. had it been you.. ".

"Then Nick would have tried stopping you.. just like you tried stopping him". She says so lovingly it makes my heart skip a beat.. to be honest I am so happy for her and love seeing them so into each other.

"He would.. no doubt". Zac nods, then he bites his lips slightly. "I am happy it's over and that they are stopped".

She places a hand on his chest. "And seriously.. that shot.. I am not into guns.. but that was so hot".

"I wasn't really trying to be sexy.. it just had to be fast". Zac says grinning. "But hey.. I have no problem with being sexy".

"Hey Zac, don't let it inflate your head.. it's already kinda big". I call out, grinning when he looks up.

He flashes me a smile. "Just admit, you thought I was sexy too".

"Yeah okay.. busted.. that was totally a James Bond move right there". I tell him.. it looked rather impressive.

"Did you hear that babes.. I am totally James Bond". He grins happily and Pilar stretches up to kiss him.

He grabs her waist and lifts her, twirling her around to make her giggle before kissing her again.

I would love that.. the passion they so clearly have for one another.. they are always like kissing and touching.. but in a sweet way.. not like sleazy.. it makes you happy watching them.

Walking on I leave them to themself, I want that.. the passion.. the 'I can't keep my hands off you' but me and Matt never really had that, not even in the beginning.. Maybe it's just not.. for everyone.. should I just accept that ? What if I chose LZ.. he seems more.. well that kiss behind the shed still makes my blood boil just thinking of it.. but would it last or is it just the.. this is wrong and forbidden that makes it like that ? Why isn't this just easy ?

I spot Nick and Nina.. they are sitting on the low stone wall.. he is sitting behind her and she is sitting between his legs leaning against him. She is talking but from here I can't hear what she is saying.. but I can see how Nick clearly listens and once in a while he kisses her hair or shoulder softly, making her smile.

She has a hand on his thigh and his arms are wrapped tightly around her, had they worn the same colour shirt it had been hard to see where one ended and the other began.

"Are you sure you are okay ? You know I am always here to talk to you if you need it.. and if it's too hard to say to me.. Zac is pretty good at those things too". Nick says softly when I get close enough to hear them.

"I am fine mi amore.. you are my hero for protecting me.. as long as I have you I am feeling as safe as possible". She says snuggling closer to him.

I am close enough now to see that he closes his eyes for a moment. "I am happy that you and Zac stopped me.. I would have regretted it".

"I know.. you are not a killer.. you are much more a lover". She grin softly and he kisses her neck in a way that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy.

"As long as I am your lover it's all good with me". He chuckles, making Nina laugh. Yup they are so adorable together.

And I want that too.. what they seem to have so effortlessly.. the softness, the knowing and trusting each other.. just be yourself and feel accepted for it. And I do think me and Matt had that.. before everything went sideways.

Can I have it if I chose LZ ? It's hard to say.. I mean I guess you never really know. Can I get it back if I stay with Matt.. if we focus on repairing the damage and get back to where we.. want to be.. do we agree on where we want to be.

I sigh.. I guess I am.. greedy.. I want it all.. and I have kinda been stringing them both along for a while.. I need to make a decision.. and I need to make it now. Maybe I should go meditate for an answer.