I Think I Kinda, You Know | Joshua Bassett

63 - It Still Hurts

Ugh why is he here I really don't wanna interact with people right now.

"Oh, hi Logan, what's up?" I awkwardly move around on my seat while untucking and retucking my hair behind my ear, trying to somehow hide my big swollen eyes.

"Um... Why are you alone here? Are you waiting for someone or something? Or are you waiting for Jo-"

"Yeah no I'm alone. I'm not waiting for anyone," I quickly cut him off, nodding my head super fast.

He gives me a confused look. He definitely knows I'm a little suspicious.

"Okay... Can I sit?" He asks while pointing to the sit next to me. I just nod.

My head wasn't supposed to move up and down like that. My mind is already all over the place thinking about last night and now I gotta deal with him too.

"So how've you been? Haven't seen you in a while," he asks as soon as he places his butt one the stool.

"Great. Wait aren't you supposed to be in college right now?"

"Yeah I went home yesterday to check on my sister and my mom. Ya know, I feel so much better after talking to you the last time we met. Like after I told you about my past. I even started having real friends in college. Like... real real friends."

"That's really nice," I say while looking down at the table, letting my hair covers the side of my face. He stays silent for a while.

"Um... Are you okay?"

"Yeah yeah of course. Why would you ask?"

It's obvious, Rachel.

"You look like you've been crying all night last night. Is something wrong?"

I'm not gonna tell him what's wrong. I mean I haven't even told Abby about this. I'm just gonna keep telling him that I'm fine. He doesn't need to know about this.

"It's okay you don't have to tell me if you dont want to-"

"I broke up with him," I blurt.

Well that wasn't supposed to come out of my mouth.

"With Josh," I add.

"Oh..." He pauses. "I'm sorry."

I just stay silent and hug myself.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

No I don't. I really don't feel like crying again.

We both stay silent for a few seconds until he gets the hint that I really don't wanna talk about it.

He nods his head slowly. "Okay, I get it-"

"He cheated on me," I blurt once again. My voice a is a little shaky at the end.

I'm literally the most hypocritical person ever and I hate it.

"He cheated on me with a fucking slut!"

"Okay okay hold on. Is he... For real? Because he looked so in love with you! I never thought he would do that."

"Yeah apparently he would if the girl is way hotter and sexier than me."

"No, come on don't say that. You're beautiful."

"Not beautiful enough for him apparently," I mumble while rolling my eyes.

"Okay. I don't know who this girl is but you should stop comparing yourself to her. You're beautiful and you have an amazing personality. You're beautiful on the outside and on the inside!"