I Think I Kinda, You Know | Joshua Bassett

12 - Next Week?

It's been weeks since I went to a party for the first time. And I didn't think this was ever gonna happen but... Logan and I started getting close. Not in a flirty way. Just as friends. We've been talking since that night at the party. He's actually a nice person.

It is now lunch time at school. Abby said she'd meet me at the cafeteria, so I'm currently sitting alone just eating my lunch.

Then I see Logan walking towards me from in front of me.

"Hey. Is this seat taken?"

There are 3 seats left and I'm only waiting for Abby, so... I guess it's not.

"I think it's not. I'm only waiting for one more person."

He sits down. "Let me guess. Abby."

"Obviously."

"So... Is Joshua coming home for your birthday?"

"My birthday is still next month."

"You mean, next week?"

My eyes widen. "Wait what date is it today?"

I check my phone to see the date. Then it hits me. Today is March 27th. My birthday is April 4th. My birthday is only in a week. And I didn't even realize that.

"Wait it's March 27th already?! Where did time go?"

"I know, right? It almost feels like we just celebrated Christmas like 2 weeks ago!"

To be honest, I don't know if Josh is gonna come home to celebrate my birthday with me.

"I don't know if he's coming," I shrug. "We haven't talked about it yet."

"Oh. He'll make time for you don't worry about it."

"Yeah. I know he will."

No I don't. He said he's been super busy the last few days. He even got sick. I don't know if he can come home for my birthday.

We just continue to chat. We laugh at silly jokes. Then I realize that Abby isn't here yet. And lunch is almost over.

The bell rings and we get back to class. Abby is already in her seat. I go to my seat, which is next to hers.

"Hey. Where were you? I was waiting for you."

"Are you kidding? Josh is away and you're hanging out with Logan now?" She says in a somewhat angry tone.

"What's wrong with hanging out with people?"

"You can hang out with anyone in this entire school but not him. He's a player. Don't you know how many girls he has dated? You could be his next victim!"

"You're overreacting. We're just friends. That's it. I don't have feelings for him. And he's actually a nice guy!"

"Does Josh know about this?"

"Um... No-"

"See? You didn't even tell him!"

"I was gonna tell him. But he kinda hates Logan. And you know how he is. He overthinks everything!"

"So you know hanging out with him will make Josh overthink."

Then our teacher comes in. Our conversation stops there.

***

The bell rings. Finally school is over. It's been a rough day. I had tests and everything.

I get out of class, turning to walk in the hallway. I pass a group of girls. The "popular" girls. They're all looking at me as I walk pass them, whispering to one another.

I only know some of them, one of them being Madeline, one of Logan's countless exes.

Oh no. I think I'm in trouble. I know they're all talking about me. They're probably spilling tea about me dating Logan or something.

I walk home alone as usual. I miss walking home with Josh. It reminds me of when we were so young, we would walk around the park together hand in hand. We would run across the park with our hands locked in each other's grips. He would always be pulling and dragging me away because he would always run faster than me.

I spend the rest of my day just thinking about what had happened earlier. Abby obviously didn't want me to get near Logan. And apparently, neither did those "popular" girls.

I really don't want to get involved in any of these. I didn't know that hanging out with Logan in the first place would lead me to this. But I'm telling you Logan is not like what I thought. He's not like what Josh told me. He's the total opposite. Sure he dated like hundreds of girls in the past, but he doesn't act like a total jerk. He's one of the nicest guys I know.

I was staring into the abyss when a vibration in my pocket snaps me out of it. I take my phone from my pocket. A phone cal from Josh.

Should I tell him everything? That I've been hanging out with Logan as as friends? But he hates Logan. I don't know why, he just does.

I gulp and pick up the call. "Hey what's up?"

"Hey. Are you busy? Am I disturbing you or-"

"Nooo not at all. I was literally doing nothing."

He sounds so nervous.

"Oh, okay cool. I kinda wanna talk to you about something."

"What is it?" I shift my sitting position.

"Here it goes," he pauses. "I can't come home for your birthday," he takes another pause.

"Rachy I'm so sorry. I really wish I could. The last couple of days have been super hectic for me and it'll still be for the next... at least 2 weeks."

I can't say anything. Josh is not celebrating my birthday with me. He's not coming home.

"Hello? Rachy are you there?"

"Oh yeah um... Sorry. No it's fine Joshy. I totally get it."

No it's not fine. It'll be my first birthday without him since first grade if he's not coming home.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah of course. Your job is the most important thing for you right now. Don't worry about me."

"Thanks for being so understanding, Rachy. I really wanna come home. I miss everything about home. And I miss you."

"I miss you too. But don't think about it too much. You should just focus on your job. You can visit home when you're not too busy."

"Yeah."

I miss him so much. This is the most that I ever missed someone. I was so certain that he'd actually come home for my birthday. But life doesn't work that way.

"I still have your keychain you gave me. I didn't think it'd work but it really helps me when I'm all stressed out."

"See? I told you!"

Those little words change my mood drastically. I'm now smiling uncontrollably. I'm just happy that it helps him like it helps me.

"Joshua! Come on you're up!" A voice that sounds a lot like Sofia's calls.

"Alright, Sof! I'll catch up!" He answers. "Hey I need to go. Once again I'm really sorry I can't come home. I really am. We'll FaceTime though. I promise."

"It's cool Joshy. Good luck!"

"Thanks, bye!"

That was it. Josh is not coming home for my birthday. It's the most heartbreaking news anyone has ever told me.