He was so disgusted.
He was so disgusting and he hated how long this was taking but Josh still hated his thighs and his stomach and his face. They said recovery was rough but he'd been through enough, why couldn't he just feel normal again?
They told him he was beautiful, skinny, completely okay but it wasn't so easy to believe when the mirror said otherwise. Everyone else could find Josh astonishing but if he didn't look presentable to himself it didn't matter.
He slept in that day. Dan worked and Jordan was out with Matt. Josh didn't eat breakfast and he wondered if it was deliberate or not. It was usual before, no one cared. It was breakfast and little people actually ate at that time. But Josh was trying to get better and skipping breakfast wasn't a part of that.
"'Morning," Oliver greeted.
"It's noon." Josh smiled lightly at the tired Oliver. "You get much sleep?"
"Yeah, just tired." A lie. The bags under Oliver's eyes said otherwise and Josh heard him tossing and turning all night.
"You eaten yet?" Oliver asked, a hint of worry in his voice.
"Yeah." They were both full of lies, back to the start weren't they? "It's lunchtime though, you want anything?"
Oliver was a twig and considering his living conditions earlier Josh wondered if he got many meals.
Oliver nodded, following Josh to the kitchen and taking a seat. Too lazy to cook a proper meal, Josh threw green been casserole leftovers in the microwave and served it to the two of them.
They both picked at their food, urging the other in their head to eat, but they both had lost their apetite for different reasons.
"You should eat," Oliver commented.
"So should you," Josh countered.
"I'm just not hungry."
Josh snorted. "I've said that a thousand times and look where I ended up. You're not turning out like me, are you?"
Oliver looked up in a panic. "No, no no not at all!" He looked for an honest believable explanation.
"I don't get hungry nowadays, and it's not a lie or whatever, I just don't have an apetite. Everything tastes the same..," He trailed off.
Josh chewed on his lip. Wasn't that a-
"But I'll eat if you eat, okay?"
Josh nodded, agreeing to the deal despite how badly he wanted to feel the hunger again and not grab the fat in his stomach.
"Bone apetité."
~_~_~_~
He was on a walk, no where in particular, but the town was painfully familiar. Every place reminded Oliver of Josh, before the two had fucked up, and before he met Josh when he was a drug addict unable to accept his sexuality.
He wanted to say he'd come so far since then but really he'd only gotten so much better to fall into other habits. Just as addicting, and only able to be hidden for so long.
He ran into numerous people while he was away. Hookups, one night stands for money, short lived jobs. He was offered drugs on more than one ocassion but he always thought of Josh and that week he helped him through withdrawals, all the encouragment and how much Josh believed in him. He didn't relapse.
But that was only one up in a plethora of downs.
Oliver felt bad for coming back into Josh's life, or for leaving in the first place. Now there was nothing he could do, though, and escapes from how desolate and dry the world seemed was running thin.
~_~_~_~
nother short chapter how bout that
there may be a lot of ones like these, little plot relevancy, and i'm sorry but 🤷♀️ i got my reasons- oH SHIT MY PHONES ALMOST DEAD BUENEYE
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Loverboy - Fransykes (SQ to The Dilemma)
FanfictionIt'd been several months since they last saw each other. Several months since Oliver walked out with only a short letter adressed to Josh explaining why. Josh was trying to get better and over Oliver, who'd broken his heart like all the rest. He did...
