Loverboy - Fransykes (SQ to The Dilemma)

5. The Gay Revival

trigger warning <3

He didn't have money, or a place to stay, this was the only option he had. Just a couple bucks for some food, just a place to spend the night.

It's not like he hadn't slept with a guy before, but it felt so wrong to sleep with someone that wasn't Joshua, even if Josh might be dead and there was no way he'd take Oliver back now. He'd done it before, anyways. 

"Thirty dollars and a place to sleep."

That was the offer and thirty dollars was pretty fucking good. But by the time Oliver's shirt was off he was pushed away.

"What the hell?" The man spat. "I'm not sleeping with a body like that." And he was gone, along with the thirty dollars and roof over Oliver's head for the night.

Fuck.

He'd cry if he had the energy but instead he wanted to do what cost him that small amount of income in the first place.

So he did.

And he still was in the small guest room he'd been reluctantly gifted for the time being. He was such a fucking disappointment, wasn't he, that he always had to be addicted to something?

It soaked itself onto the bedsheet earning a his and multiple swears from Oliver. There was no way that was getting out there, maybe not at all.

Ruining their fucking sheets. What if they find out? You'd worry Josh like that, again?

He wanted to make another one but instead he pulled down his sleeves and pulled off the sheet. No one was home, so he had time to wash it. It probably needed a wash, anyways.

Get rid of all your filf.

The laundry wasn't done fast enough and when it was there was a hint of pink that Oliver just had to hide and say was there from the beginning if anybody asked.

They've given you a home and you fucked it up.

He just had to find a job and move out. If Joshua wanted, he could leave their lives entirely. But he didn't know what Josh wanted. Maybe Josh hated his existence there which wouldn't be surprising to him, or maybe he wanted him to stay. But no matter what he did would seem to fuck it up. Why couldn't he just do something right?

"I'm home!" The door opened and Josh walked in as Oliver was making his bed. He shoved the blankets over the spot and met Josh outside.

"Hey," he mumbled with a short smile.

Josh stared at Oliver for a moment too long, questioning him with his eyes.

"You alright?"

"Mhm. Have you eaten anything today?"

Josh's calm attitude dropped. "Yeah, I have," he spat passive aggressively. It wasn't Oliver's fault, but Josh was tired of Dan's repetitive questioning and mothering as if Josh couldn't take care of himself, he didn't need his ex (if Oliver could be called that) to do it as well. Joshua was, in fact, getting better. Slowly, and every step forward he took seemed to push him back another two, but he'd get there, right? That was how recovery worked. At least he told himself that. He didn't know what he'd do if it didn't, and he would always think about the calories and what people thought when they saw him.

"Oh, sorry," Oliver murmured. "I should um, go for a walk."

Josh tried to hide how ever so slightly hurt he was. "Yeah, sure." Was he that annoying to be around? He had wanted to talk to Oliver about what they were; seven months away from each other did a lot to a relationship, one Josh didn't know if even existed anymore. He had no idea what Oliver had done his time away and what went through his head every fucking day. He was a box Josh couldn't open. He could, if he tried, but he was scared. It'd hurt him once, what if it hurt him again?