Loverboy - Fransykes (SQ to The Dilemma)

3. Group

"Dan?" Joshua croaked.

"He's awake, guys he's awake!"

Josh looked around. Elissa, Dan, Jordan-

"Where's Oliver?"

"He ran off," Dan explained. "Tom is out looking for him but that doesn't matter- You almost fucking died, you are dying!"

"No-o I'm not."

Dan's face hardened. "Whether you believe it or not doesn't matter, you have to get help."

"I can't find Oli," Tom interrupted with a panicked gaze. "But I found a note on the park bench, adressed to Josh."

He was gone, Oliver was gone.

~_~_~_~

Josh wondered what they were now. Had Oliver been with other people? Did he still feel the way he had before for Joshua?

After being discharged from the hospital, they reccomended he get a job. It was a routine, and something to take his mind off everything else. Dan threw out a coffee shop, as it was the most cliche place to find love. Joshua was a gay barista after all.

But Josh didn't want to get over Oliver, and back then, only a couple months after he had left, Josh still had hope he'd come back. He thought, if he did, he'd be fine, happy, as if nothing happened. 

Oliver didn't come back as the same happy-with-Josh guy. There was so much going on in his head Josh wanted to find out but he was so quiet, exactly like he was when they first met. He wasn't hungry, he was in his room, and he was always wearing-

Josh snapped back to work. A lady stood there reciting her order and Joshua hadn't even been paying attention. He scribbled what he could, but awkwardly had to ask for her to repeat the first part. She didn't seem bothered by it though, something he was grateful for as he'd met Karens while working on too many occasions. 

Work was repetitive. And while that was what the hospital had recommended, it was tedious and overbearing.

"You get off work early today, right?" Max asked while making the lady's mocha. 

"Yep. You gonna be alright here all by yourself for two hours?" Josh felt bad he had to leave, but Jordan had reccomended group therapy, something he had been attending now for the past three months and he still found it the same tedious thing. But hey, it made Dan feel a little safer.

"Yeah yeah, you go do your mystery activities. If I found out you're leaving me to get into some kinky sex-"

"Ew, what the fuck? No!" Josh grimaced at the idea. He hadn't been with anyone since Oliver and the two hadn't gotten anywhere near sexual in their time together.

"Good, I can't even imagine that. You're too pure for that man." Max nudged Josh playfully, who pushed him to the other side.

"Bitch!"

"Jerk!"

~_~_~_~

There were three kinds of people. The ones that shared, maybe even overshared; the ones that stayed silent in anger that they had to be there; and the ones that were indifferent.

Josh didn't give a shit. He didn't want to be there, didn't think this would help him in any way, but he sat there and listened to the others. He didn't know what was worse, this or one on one therapy, but he'd rather recover on his own, as unrealistic as it seemed.

"Kellin, why don't you share?"

Bad choice, girl.

Of course the therapist didn't care, in  fact she preferred asking Kellin. They always asked the ones that didn't speak, that's why Joshua would agree or mention something small and insignificant every now and then.

"Janet, why don't you suck my cock?" Kellin spat.

Nothing new there.

Kellin was there for a reason none of them knew yet, but they did now he was the embodiement of a rebellious teenager. Josh didn't think he was there on his own will anyways, rather his mother made him. Josh didn't know Kellin's age or really much about him at all, but he wouldn't be surprised if the boy had daddy issues or did drugs.

Janet sighed and scanned the room, locking eyes with Josh and smiling. "Joshua, how have things been going?"

Josh shrugged. "Good."

She tried to hide the gaining frown. No one was cooaperative. It had to be hard and Josh almost felt bad for her but it was group therapy, most weren't there because they wanted to be, what did she expect?

"Well I think can elaborate on that. What's been good?"

Fuck, what's something you've done that helps your recovery?

He'd been eating, sure, but his mind remained stuck on calories and it was always a pain to swallow. His body was recovering but his mind wasn't, it didn't seem like it ever would.

"I haven't been counting calories." Lie. "It's easier to look in the mirror." Lie.

Kellin stared at him, his always angered eyes able to see how Josh was lying. Most people could tell, really. It takes one to know one, and everyone in that room (except maybe Janet) was an A class liar.

"And, um, Oliver came back."

Janet sat up, as did part of the room.

"That son of a bitch came back? What did he do?" Alex spat.

"He's.. quiet. Kind of like when we first met. I think he relapsed, or something. He's different. We haven't talked about what happened, what we are anymore. I want to be angry, and I was for a while when I first saw him, but I can't. I can't be angry at him. I loved- love him, at least I think I still do."

"He loves you," Kellin spoke, surprising Janet and Josh. "I mean, he probably did." The boy shrugged. "He couldn't say it back then, but he loved you. He was too fragile to handle what happened, what you were doing, it doesn't justify what he did but, yeah. He came back, there's still something there. Talk to him. If you still love him, don't let him leave again."

If you still love him, don't let him leave again.

Josh didn't know if he still did love Oliver, but it was worth something, right? There had to be something salvagable between them. Maybe things were fixable.

~_~_~_~

update update it's been too long