Unexpected

6| I don't want this

Play the song above 🎶

I thought coming here will bring me peace. But I feel depressed and feeling like burying my head in the soil. It is like I have been thrown into space. Zero gravity, restless, light-weighted, and eternal emptiness. I would have been banging my head if I were in my room. Not like someone has said anything to me. Actually, nobody has said anything to me. Since I entered the water. Stephanie blew the volleyball she brought along and now they are playing. In the lake. With the ball. And I am here, hugging my knees, on the corner of the lake. Making patterns with my index finger. I feel worn out after humming random lyrics which I managed to remember.

Singers are just amazing, aren't they? They are cool, funny, attractive, confident and passionate. And they express their feelings in the best way possible. Isn't that just what we need? We want to feel our emotions in full extent too, that is why we love music and song. And singers are living it to the fullest.

They are in our dreamworld. Shit, what am I thinking? It isn't any easier. They have there own troubles and pier pressure. Huh, so much for living the dream. No matter how much human try, he can't get what he wants. A human is never satisfied. Just then an ant caught my eye. Such a tiny creature. I like ants. You can learn so much from them. Unity, peace, friendship, hardwork, strength... The list just goes on and on.

I sometimes feel like all you need is wonder around in the world, like Dora and you will found the greatest pleasure in the world, peace. How much I yearn for it.

I am not feeling physical pain though just an anxious sensation on my lower leg and palpitation. I covered my mouth with both my hands and blew out air to release some of the anxiety.

Sometimes I feel like I am exaggerating my boredom and pretending to have a reason to not socialize. And that is so messed up. Like right now I feel like if I just breathe out and smile everything will be back to normal and I can just go up to any stranger and make new friends. But I wish that was actually the case. But I feel this sudden feeling of nervousness which drains my energy and lefts me sad. I can never explain how much I want to cry because I feel bottled up. And there is too much emotion inside. And I can't seem to make anything of it. Why am I feeling them anyway?

Yeah, because it is real. It is real and I am living that reality! Ugh

I slid both my hands on my thighs, from my knee, and down the path. And stopped at the side of my hips. I breathed out. Do these curves even matter? Does anything in the world matter. When all you need is a good heart to confide in. Just when you think you have it all. Life throws at you such a curve that you fall down the cliff and breaks your bones. And cry out into endless space.

S...p...a...c...e...

Huh!
So vast, it seems like it mocks us human beings for thinking highly of ourselves. I can say the same about the most superior, God. But I should leave that topic for everyone's sake. That is a keen topic we sometimes have to avoid for the sake of world peace and equality. Also sovereignty.

Sometimes I think I am wise and everyone around me is blinded by the light. And I am lucky and had been gifted enough wisdom to have the idea to close my eyes and crawl. Touch, smell, and feel everything that the world actually stands for while others get misguided by the bright light of lust, greed, pride, envy.

Uff...

I can't handle this. I can't handle all of this worldly rush.

I just want to be free of the chains.

Like that can actually happen. I raised my hands and stretched it to banish the tiredness. I stood up and saw the girls coming out of the water giggling. The boys were there playing wildly.