Healing Him || P.JM ✔

Chapter 45

A/N: Like i promise quick updates 🤗

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Jimin's pov

I get startled by the sudden movement Natasha made.
She slams her hands in the table in front of me. I looked up at her, she was mad, i shrugged it off and continue to eat.

"So you are gonna just stay like this and don't take your fucking responsibilities ?!"

I ignore her.

"You are impossible Jimin. You drive everyone insane because of your stupid behavior"

"What are you talking about ?"

I ask calmly, looking at her.

"Now you talk hun?"

She sighs irritated.

"At work everyone complain about you. You overwork you dancers, you have a shitty behavior with the other employees. No one can deal with you anymore"

"So you gonna say nothing"

"For god's sake Natasha, can you just leave me alone"

I said exasperate. I don't care about what other people think or say about me, and i don't have time for that.
I have a hard day at work today, i just want to rest without someone complain about me.

Is it to much to ask ?

"No, im not. Do you know that you disappointed me by the way you behave with Maze. You break that poor girl"

I clench my jaw when she mention Maze.

"She is pregnant Jimin. How can you be like this, knowing you like i know you, it's impossible for me to believe that you treat her like that. She go through so much pain just because of you"

"How do you know that ?"

I ask, she scoffed.

"I talk to her of course. She told me everything and let me tell you that i am on her side"

So she saw her

A part of me want to ask questions about her and her well being. I shook my head.

"You know exactly the reas-"

"Don't you dare justify your action by using Chung-ae !"

She yelled suddenly. I froze looking at her.

"Chung-ae is not the reason that you behave like a complete asshole Jimin. You are scared, and blame  all your actions on her, she is not your problem since a long time ago"

She sigh defeated.

"You finally become happy...you finally let a chance to someone in your life since Chung-ae. You become less cold and become friendly again"

She paused a second looking down.

"You don't how much i missed that side of you. How much i was happy for you, i don't know why you push her away like that. Why don't you aknowledge your feelings for her Jimin?... You love her, you fucking love her and you let her just because you are scared"

"Nat it's not like that. I can't-"

"Shut up !"

She yell again, i shut my mouth immediatly. She looked at me furiously, her face  red from anger and teary too. Those past few months she was just like that with me, mad always.

"She was there Jimin ! She was fucking there for you all the time.
I don't know why she loves you so much. Everytime you needed her she comes to you, even when she was mad at you she come to you because you need her. But when it's her turn you push her away, when it's her who needs you.... you hurt her. She's scared Jimin, she is lost and don't know what to do about this whole situation you put her to. She needed your support, your love... she needed you by her side just like when she there for you and you just run away just because you want to control your feelings...."

"Fuck Jimin can't you just let the past and live the moment. You gonna be a father, she's caring your child...can you see that it's your future that you dammage, they are your future"

She said tearing up. I was breathing hard now, everything is messed up in my head, i couldn't keep my thought straight. I slam my glass on the floor unable to understand my own feelings, Natasha gasp in shock i look at her helpless.

I have to get out of here, i look around me and take my keys on the living room and leave.

Natasha was calling my name non-stop  but i ignore, as soon i was outside i shiver it was raining as fuck. I didn't take my car and walk away. I thought about what Natasha say

am i scared of loving Maze?

When she told me a few months ago that she is pregnant, a little voice  inside me tell me that it was wrong, that this not right. That she was lying and using my past to against me.

Did i left her when she needed me ?

Was  she's sad?

Was she's sad because of me?

I don't know what to think about this, it's just so fucked up.

Did she really pregnant ?

'She's caring your child can't you see that it's your future that you dammage they are your future'

Fuck !

Why am I like this? Why can't i just be happy. For once i want just to be happy and stop feel this painful feeling inside of me.
Maze needed me, she fucking need me and i left her on her own.
She is away from me

I need her.

Everything make sense now, suddenly feeling scared of losing her. I know what i want and that i behave like an idiot Maze probably hate me right now.

She is my everything, she is even going to make me a father i smile lightly at the thought.

Im just affraid to lose what makes me happy again, as i look around a sincere smile made is way onto my face when i think about her, those time we pass together i thought about every moment we spent together all the new things she taught me she was invading my mind but i don't complain.

The way she always looking at me full of love, even when we made  love she always tell me how much she loves me. I never say it back to her, it's because the last person i say those words she disappear, she's gone of my life and leave me alone.

I look at the distance, feeling the rain pouring on me, i look at my ring i stare deeply at it.

I need to let it go, i need to move on to the new happiness god give me.

My hands were shaking, i was nervous. I take my ring off slowly, it's not about Chung-ae anymore it's about me and Maze, i take a deep breath.

"I need to let you... i-i am happy with her, but i always ruined everything because im affraid that she will finish like you. I love you princess, i always will but now i need to make things right and fix my mistake, it's for my own sake"

I said to her particulary. I shut my eyes and nod at myself, i need to fix things i need her and she needs me.

With that in mind i turn and  run looking for her. The guilt cataches up to me and my heart hurts so much, i let myself feel, i allow me to feel the pain, the pain i feel all those years. The pain i caused to my son, the people I’m closest, but also the pain i did to Maze she never deserve to be treat like that.

She don't deserve it, she don't know the whole story, my heart ached

what if the same things happen to her too ? What if i lose her.

I can't, i need to have her back.

I need her