Lose Myself: A Brittana Story

Downward Spiral

Trigger Warning

As soon as I reach my own bedroom, what I did finally sinks in. I kissed Santana. And not a stupid "practice kiss." A real one. What if she hates me now? What if she doesn't want to be my friend anymore?

I run into my room, and I pick up the behavioral pill bottle. There's only one left. Shit. I swallow it with some water, and I run down to the living room to my mother. 

"Mom, I need a refill on my pills," I say quickly

"Didn't we get you a refill two weeks ago?" she asks

"No, it's been a month mom," I lie 

"I'm pretty sure it hasn't been. I can head to the pharmacy today, but I don't know if they'll have a refill for you for at least another two days," she says

No

"O-ok," I stutter, going back to my room. I go through my room, looking for the antidepressants. They don't work as well as the behavior ones but they work. When I check, I see that I only have 3 left. 

I only take one, trying to save what I have left. My phone buzzes and I check to see a text from Quinn. 

Quinn: Have you seen or heard from Santana today?

Santana told me she was going to Quinn's. I mean, I had a feeling she was lying, but I didn't want to believe she would.

Me: I was with her earlier, but I don't know where she is now

I toss my phone onto the bed, and I begin to pace. Millions of thoughts rush into my head, but I can only focus on a few. Should I call her? Text her? Go back to her house?  No, she's probably fine. Maybe she just needs a break from talking to people.

Eventually, my thoughts get the better of me, and I get a jean jacket. I run out of my house, and I walk over to Santana's. I am so glad we've always been a block away from each other. I knock on the door, and Santana's father, Antonio. 

"Hi Brittany, what's up?" he asks

"Is Santana home?" I ask

"Yeah she's in her room, she hasn't left the house today. I think she may be busy though. But I'm sure for you she'll put whatever she has to do on hold," he says

"Thanks, Mr. Lopez," I say walking up the stairs

Santana's room is mostly closed, besides the small crack she left. I push the door open with my foot. I look to her bed, and I see her, with Puck on top of her. They're both fully clothed, but he's kissing her. With tongue! He whispers something in her ear and she laughs. I stay silent, and then her eyes meet mines at the doorway. I watch as her smile turns into a face of shock as her eyes widen. 

"Shit," I hear her mutter

Puck smirk in my direction. 

"Hey Britt," he says, proceeding to bite Santana's ear lobe. She flicks him away and stands up.

"B-Brittany, what are you doing here?" she asks slowly

"Quinn asked me where you were. You told me you'd be with her. But I guess you just wanted to spend time with your boyfriend." I say

"He's not my boyfriend Brittany," she says looking down

"No, it's fine. Sorry for interrupting or whatever. Bye Santana," I say turning on my heels. I run down the stairs, and I walk out of the front door. My heart rate speeds up, and I feel sluggish. I walk slowly to my house, and I run straight to my room. I collapse on my bed, and tears fall from my eyes. I begin sweating, and my vision gets blurry. I hear my heart pounding in my ears, but I don't hear anything else. Only the sound of my heart.