Lose Myself: A Brittana Story

Problems

"B, come on can you please tell me what's wrong?" she asks running after me, and I start walking faster

"San, nothings wrong I just want to go home, okay?" I ask, my voice cold

"Please B, I don't know what's wrong," she says

I turn around to Santana and I see her face clearly confused. Her eyes are pleading, but if I tell her the problem she'd probably distance herself from me. So I can't tell her anything. 

2 Days Before

We're sitting cross-legged on Santana's bed after school, and she's busy filing her nails.

"San, you've been filing your nails for 2 hours," I say laughing

"B, you already know-" she starts 

"- yeah, you can't live without your nail filed to perfection" I finish for her

"You know me so well, B," she says smirking 

I see her eyes travel down to my lips, and on instinct, I suck my bottom lip between my teeth and feel my heart rate pick up. Her gaze stays there for a while and I can tell she's fighting with herself. She looks at me in the guys before slowly leaning in and connecting our lips together. The initial shock hits first, and I can feel my skin heating up. She keeps her lips pressed to mines, and slowly begins moving them against mines. When I asked her if we can test out what we had, I didn't expect her to go full out like this right away. I thought she'd slowly let me in. I wasn't expecting this.

I finally allow my lips to move against hers. She gently grabs a hold of my face. I try to regulate my breathing and keep my skin from getting too warm, or she'll know somethings wrong. Who am I kidding she always knows. Even if she doesn't know exactly what's wrong she definitely knows something is. 

She leans further into me, and we both fall off the bed. I'm on my back and she's above me, laughing. 

"Sorry B," she says smirking 

"It's ok San," I say trying to shift from under her. She smirks at my struggle and presses her nose to mines. 

"B.... Look I don't know what's going on or what to think right now... but when I'm with you...i-in this way, I'm so happy," she says. Even though she told me that ethnic people rarely blush, she's clearly blushing right now. It's adorable. 

"San-" I start

"No wait, let me finish. I don't know what it is.... or how I'm supposed to feel about this. Because I've never felt like this before. But I'm willing to try this with you B. But I- We need to keep this a secret. Because like I said I don't know what I'm feeling right now" she says with a shaky voice

"Okay San," I say nodding 

She presses her lips to mines again, and this time I allow myself to place my hands in her hair, pulling her just a bit closer. After a while it gets uncomfortable, considering we're laying on the ground, but I'm okay with it. Anything to keep her lips on mines. After we finally pull apart, I sit up. 

"San... I think...I think I might be bi. A bicorn?" I say 

She stays silent for a while before slowly nodding. 

"Okay B," she says

"That's it?" I ask 

"Yeah. That's you, and you're my best friend it doesn't matter what you are" she says

Best friend. Ouch. But then again, she said she was willing to test this out, so I'll accept it. 

This time, I lean in and press our lips together, assuming we can do that. She returns the kiss. 

The Next Day

I haven't seen Santana since yesterday, so instead, I made plans to go to Breadstix with Quinn. We haven't had dinner together in a while, so this should be interesting. I take 3 of my pills before leaving the house. Quinn is sitting at a booth with Sam, and I'm pretty sure they're dating. Even if they don't want anyone to know, it's painfully obvious.

"Hey Britt," they both say at the same time 

I wave before sitting down. I look around the restaurant, and one table catches my eye. Sitting there I see Santana and Puck, making out. I do a double-take to make sure I'm seeing correctly. The thought of her kissing him brings tears to my eyes, and I look down at my menu. We're not together. This shouldn't bother me. 

"Brittany are you okay?" Sam asks

I just silently nod. 

Present Day

I turn around to Santana and I see her face clearly confused. Her eyes are pleading, but if I tell her the problem she'd probably distance herself from me. So I can't tell her anything. 

"San... nothings wrong, okay?" I ask 

"Yeah but-"

"I just want to be left alone," I say turning on my heels. I walk away from her, leaving her with her mouth wide open.