Lose Myself: A Brittana Story

Secrets

Santana's POV

1 week later 

I hear her pen, and her shoes. She's been tapping her pen on the desk this whole time, and she keeps kicking the side of the table with her shoe. I'm not even sure if it's on purpose. She's been really fidgety all week. Everyone has noticed, and they keep asking me what's wrong with her. It's pretty hard to answer them when I don't even know what's wrong with her myself. I put my pen down, and instead of working, I focus all of my attention on her. She keeps clenching her hand, practically breaking her pen each time. She occasionally rolls her head to the side as if she's in pain, and then she quickly snaps back into her rigid posture and starts tapping the pen again. I'm not sure what's going on with her, but it hurts to see her suffer so much. At one point she squeezes her eyes shut and starts counting her breath. Even though I'm right next to her, she doesn't even seem to notice that I've been watching her. If I ask her what's wrong, she probably wouldn't even tell me, but maybe her mother knows what's wrong. At least I hope she does. 

Once class is over I make sure B is with Quinn just in case something happens, and then I sneak out of the school. It's not even hard, considering the fact that no one pays attention. I take the short walk to Britt's house. I'm pretty sure today is one of Ms. Pierce's days off, so I knock on the door instead of using the key they gave me. After a while, she finally opens the door. 

"Santana?" she asks with a slight frown 

"Hi Ms. P," I say with a small smile 

"Why aren't you at school? Are you ok, is Britt ok?" She starts panicking and I don't know what I should tell her. 

"No. Well I-I'm fine, but I don't think Britt is," 

"What-"

"Haven't you noticed how distant she's been recently," I accidentally cut her off, "And I don't mean with who she talks to I mean.. doesn't she seem like she's not fully there?" 

She stays quiet for a while and then she sighs. She allows me to walk into the house and then we sit on the couch. 

"Yeah I've noticed. She- I- I think she doesn't know that I've realized, but I don't even know what's wrong. She won't talk to me,"

"Well maybe-" 

I'm cut off by the sound of the door opening. Brittany walks in, and she's noticeably paler. At first she doesn't see us and she walks right past us. Then she does a double take and frowns. 

"Mom? Santana? Wh-"

"Britt, why aren't you at school?" her mother asks

"I didn't feel well so I left," she shrugs, "Why is Santana here?" 

"B... can I talk to you?" I ask her. She nods slowly and I pull her upstairs. 

"Look," I sigh, "Is something wrong? I mean, you've been acting really different and it's freaking me out," 

She frowns at me before answering. 

"No nothings wrong," her voice is cold and I cock my head to the side. 

"But Britt-"

"I said nothing's wrong Santana! Just leave it alone" She crosses her arms and sits down on her bed. 

"B, you know you're my best friend," her head snaps up at that, "I really care about you and if something's wrong you have to tell me," 

"Please just... leave it," 

I frown, but I agree to stop asking about it. If she won't tell me, then I'll have to find out on my own. She seems a bit better than earlier though. I sit next to her and she leans her head on my shoulder. I give her a small smile. She holds out her pinky and links it with mine. 

"I know you said to drop it... and I will. B-but if you ever want to talk to me, you know that you can right?" 

She looks up at me again, and instead of answering she pulls me in for a gentle kiss. At first I'm confused, and I know that this won't help her with any of her problems, but I let her kiss me anyways. After a while she moves to stand in front of me and deepen the kiss. She pushes me back slowly and everything inside of me is screaming at me to tell her to stop, and that we shouldn't. I can feel my skin burning with every kiss, and it's confusing as hell. Just as she's about to push me back even further we hear her mother's footsteps. She jumps off of me and I practically run to the other side of the room. Her mother appears in the doorway with a bag in her hand. 

"Britt can I talk to you?" she asks 

"Uh...y-yeah," she's still breathing heavily, and honestly I can't blame her. 

"I'll.. Um I'll go then. See you later B," I say with a small smile. She smiles back and I head downstairs. Sure the day got considerably better, but B's still hiding something from me. And now I'm even more determined to figure it out.