Maybe one day? - Spencer Reid x Reader

Chapter 22.

Trigger warning; Mention of suicide, depression, self harm & sexual abuse. Please be kind, these aren't things I made up for the story x

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"I wouldn't judge you no matter what you say Y/N, we all have baggage and things that people make us feel bad for."

"I don't think you would personally but I have been by others quite a lot." You're currently in your kitchen tidying up even though Spencer had told you it wasn't necessary. "I'm sure you've experienced the same."

"I have done Y/N, you know that." He walks over to you and plays with your hair as you wipe the counters and put the items back in their place. "But there's a reason that I am drawn to you. You're an incredible woman and I didn't realise until only recently."

"To be honest I just thought you were a close friend who I thought was cute." You chuckle and turn to Spencer who is smiling at you. "I'm so glad we made a move Spencer but we still have things we need to talk about." You bite your lip and look away from him. You were feeling ready to explain all the deep down issues you had but you weren't ready about the outcome.

"Another coffee?" Spencer asks. He walks over to the cabinet and pulls out two big black mugs and walks over to the coffee machine that's on the other side of your kitchen.

"Please but it's a wonder how we ever sleep with all this coffee." You giggle. "At least it's all clean now." You clap your hands together and walk over to Spencer who is putting a pod into the coffee machine.

"We aren't, we're going to talk about what's going on Y/N, we're going to sit here and if you need we can cuddle too." Spencer softens his voice and rests a hand on your back rubbing up and down slowly.

"That wasn't what I had in mind for our night you know?"

"You might not have but it's important, sofa or bed?" He asks while handing you a mug of hot coffee, you loved going to coffee shops but sometimes nothing could beat a mug in your own home.

"Bed. It's like a safe place almost at times." You hold your cup in both hands and walk out of your kitchen, you hear Spencer put something away and follow you. You stay silent as you pad up the stairs, you're unsure why but you feel scared to talk to him. "You know that I don't tell anyone much about me at work right?"

"I don't think any of us do Y/N, I have my own emotional baggage that'll probably make you run for the hills." His voice is soft, quiet as you walk up the stairs and go into your room. "You don't have to tell me, about any of it."

"I know, I rather be open and honest with you Spencer, it doesn't make sense to me if you only know the bits I want you to see." You take a sip of your drink but then settle it down on the nightstand beside you, you shuffle on top of the duvet and Spencer just hovers at the end of the bed. "Sit you're making me nervous." You laugh while watching Spencer smile slightly before sitting next to you.

"I don't think since working with you I've seen you so serious, you hide it so well at times. Have you opened up to anyone?"

"You best not be profiling me Reid." You smile at him while speaking but you know he is. It's normal in your job to pick up in things like this even when talking to friends and family. In this case lovers. "Emily knows a little and you know some but I just keep the super dark bits to myself but I've gotten into relationships before where I wasn't totally honest and when I had a breakdown or something triggered me to relapse they often got awful with me."

Spencer grabs your hand and holds it with both of his, his eyes are sincere and he's watching you with concern. He smiles softly while rubbing your hand with with his fingers.