Where I Belong

Kabanata 1

Blame

Nararamdaman ko na naman ang mga salitang binitiwan ng aking ina, tila mga kutsilyo na tumatagos sa hangin, bawat pantig ay puno ng pag-akusa at sisi.

"You killed my husband, Brea. If it weren't for you, he would still be alive," she spat out, her voice dripping with venom.

I felt the familiar pang of guilt and shame clawing at my insides, ngunit ngayong pagkakataon, tumanggi ako na hayaan ang kanyang mga salita na wasakin ako.

"Mom, please, alam mo na hindi totoo 'yon. It was an accident," tugon ko, my voice trembling with emotion.

Ngunit hindi siya nakikinig, her anger fueling her irrationality.  "Don't you dare talk back to me! Ikaw ang dahilan kung bakit siya nawala,and I will never forgive you for it," she reponded, her eyes blazing with fury.

Tears welled up in my eyes as I struggled to find the right words to defend myself. "I loved Dad just as much as you did, Mom. I would never do anything to hurt him," I pleaded, my voice cracking with emotion.

But her heart seemed hardened against any semblance of reason or compassion. "You're lying! You've always been a disappointment to me, and now you've taken away the only good thing in my life, sana ikaw na lang ang namatay" she spat out, her words like daggers piercing my heart.

I felt a wave of despair wash over me as I realized that no matter what I said or did, I would never be able to change her perception of me. In her eyes, I would always be the reason for her pain and anger.

As I sat there, consumed by a mixture of sorrow and resentment, I couldn't help but wonder if I would ever be able to break free from the chains of my mother's abuse and finally find peace.

One day, as I returned home from college, I was greeted by police cars parked outside our house.

My heart clenched in fear as I watched officers escorting my mother out in handcuffs. It felt like the final blow to my already fragile world.

I stood there, rooted to the spot, habang ang mga kapitbahay ay bumubulong at tumuturo, ang kanilang mapanghusgang tingin ay nagbabadya sa aking balat. Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes, but I refused to let them fall.

With no other family to turn to, I found myself alone and vulnerable, the ground slipping out from beneath my feet.

It was then that a kindly figure emerged from the crowd, his face etched with concern.

"Are you alright, dear?" he asked, his voice gentle and reassuring.

I shook my head numbly, unable to find the words to express the confusion raging inside me.

The man introduced himself as Mr. Kade, the lawyer of my family. He explained that due to my status as a minor and the absence of any other relatives, and Nanay Cecil, our housemaid who took care of me is away because of the death of her cousin. I could not be left to care of myself. My heart sank at the realization that I was truly alone in the world.

Ngunit ang susunod na mga salita ni Mr. Kade ay nag-alok ng liwanag sa gitna ng kadiliman. He told me about the Millers, close friends of my late father, who lives in San Vicente, Palawan and who had offered to take me in and provide a safe haven from the chaos of my life.

I was hesitant at first, hindi tiyak sa anong magiging resulta mula sa mga estrangherong ito na nagpapakilala na kilala ang aking ama.

But desperation outweighed my doubts, and I found myself nodding in skeptical agreement.

As Mr. Kade led me away from the chaos of the street, I couldn't help but wonder what awaited me in the home of the Millers.

Would they welcome me with open arms, or would I be met with the same cold indifference that had become all too familiar?

Tanging ang panahon ang makakasagot, ngunit sa ngayon, itinatag ko ang pag-asa na marahil, marahil lamang, ito ang sariwang simula na matagal ko nang pinapangarap.