Ink and Prints

Chapter 28: While Writing

War is not always fought in sunny days and temperate waters
For winter comes to shift the season
One will never fight in the light of day
During the cold winter war

_

     The past few days have been tedious for me, Celeste in agony, memories of dad haunting me because of her condition, and the pressure of the dissertation looming over my head. "Hey, Lunie. I'll be off na, my flight will leave soon, I won't bother you for now, I know that you're busy because of your dissertation, I'll try to take some days off para makapunta ako sa defense mo," Hel said to me as I was scrolling through my laptop. "Thanks for understanding, Hel. I appreciate it," I replied to him. "It's nothing, Lunie," he said with a smile, "Don't forget to take care of yourself, ha? Bye." He immediately left after saying those words.

     I looked at my laptop again, why am I mentally blank right now? I have all the fundamental concepts of my dissertation, but the equations does not properly exhibit the value and the concepts that I am going for. I don't understand, I tried differentiating some parts to show the change in approaching the speed of light, but it just doesn't seem to jive. I tried using different methods of calculations, but again, none of them feel right. When I get a proper equation, it fundamentally breaks the laws of existing phenomena, and the laws it captures lean more on the theories of contemporary physicists than on established law. Maybe I could just try expanding their theories? I don't know.

     My frustration is really over the top right now, I can't have anything figured out, it's as if, my mind is all blank from all the agony that I have faced for the past few days. Celeste is still in the hospital, so I don't want to stress Lumi out. I need to finish something by this day. I thought that I had made progress, but when I reviewed my calculations, most if not everything were off, my research adviser, was also not that good, only focusing on the formatting of the dissertation. I think when I finish my calculations, I'd have to get my progress peer-reviewed.

     My phone rang and I was immediately surprised on who was calling, it's Lumi. Celeste is at the hospital right now, shouldn't he be busy or something? "Hello, Lumi. Buti napatawag ka?" I asked him with curiosity on my voice's tone. "I wanted to check up on you, moonlight. Are you doing alright there?" He said with his usual gentle and kind voice. "I'm okay, dear. Why?" I said to him blankly. "You sure you're okay? Alam ko kasi agad when you're frustrated or something," he replied to me with a gentler voice than when he asked as I was doing. "I don't know, Lumi. I don't know," I said with frustration. I'm really not sure how I'm doing right now, everything feels weird. "Punta ba ako diyan?" He said to me. "Hala. May alam ka ba sa advanced theoretical physics?" I asked him. "Gaga. Hindi naman kita directly tutulungan sa work mo, of course that's your specialty, moonlight. Working with someone by your side sometimes help," he said with a happy tone. "Aba, saan mo naman galing 'yan, Lumiere?" I released a light chuckle. "Ehh. Wala. I don't know, it helps me," he said. "You think that your method will work for me, Lums? We're different people, you know." I looked at my work again while he's calling. "I don't know," he simply said. "Are you making up excuses again?" I sure hope he is. "Yes, I want to see you so bad," he said to me. "Ilang araw pa lang since last tayo nagkita tapos miss mo agad ako? Iba ka rin, Lumiere Shayne," I replied, "Besides, shouldn't you be looking out for Celeste or something?" I'm genuinely concerned. 

     He was silenced by my last statement, I know how frustrated he is with Celeste, for the past few days, he has been super weird, I know that he's bothered or something. Sometimes, he'd just call me, say hi, then drop the call. Other times, he'd send some incoherent jokes that just make my brows rise. "Okay, can you please order some lunch before you get here, medyo tamad kasi akong magluto, e," I just said to him, it's almost 11:30 and I haven't eaten a thing, I only drank some coffee and went on to write on my whiteboard the whole morning. "Okay. See you, moonlight." He immediately dropped the call after saying those.