Ink and Prints

Chapter 40: Strengthened Voices

There comes a time when your voice reaches
The very edge of the universe—   
You're desperate for release
But your mind is vaster than the entire universe you speak

-

    The room feels cold once again—I feel like someone who's been playing with snow the whole day; my body refuses to move even if I command it to. I gaze at the published copies at the tabletop; my glasses are even fogging to the sight of the papers' title.

    "You okay?" I heard a woman's voice speak to me. But I couldn't figure out who she was; it was muffled to me to a sense that I have no idea on who the voice belonged to.

    "Hello? Hello?" her hand waved in front of my sight. "Luna?"

    "Oh, Soleil." I immediately recognized her, even though her voice, for a moment, felt unfamiliar to me. She sat down and held one of the copies of my dissertation. "You're gonna do well, I promise." Sometimes I question the smile on her face—if it's just there to be an act of reassurance to the people around her, or if it's something genuine.

    I let a sigh out. "Hindi ko alam kung bakit parang biglaan kong nakalimutan ang lahat ng laman ng dissertation ko," I whispered. She somehow flinched—as if she heard my soft voice. "Is this for real?"

    My eyebrows raised at her seemingly insulting tone. Oh, for anyone's sake, yes, this is real! "Strange," I simply replied to her.

    "That's all you can say, Luna? Do you realize what your mood is? It feels so heavy right now." Her hands fiddled with the surface of my journals; she's playing with them as if they're some sort of keyboard. "It doesn't sound like you right now," she said, staring straight into my eyes.

    "I'm just nervous." I told her the truth.

    Soleil looked at me as if I'm some sort of weirdo. "The Luna I know made graduate students stand up in applaud because of her confidence and her competence, despite the fact that she's only a guest lecturer and that it's only been a few days." I do get her point, but her words are not what I need.

    "What if I'm not that Luna right now?"

    The door opened and Yumi entered the room. Her hair is tied in a messy bun and she looks prim and proper with her formal wear. "Oh, anong nangyari diyan?" she opened.

    "Kabado raw."

    "Bakit naman kabado? Anything wrong ba?"

    I just blankly looked at her, taking note of how heavy she breathed—she must've gone through the same thing, huh?

    "How did it go, Yums? Jennifer Doudna and Emmanuelle Charpentier were there to witness your presentation," Soleil faced her as she crossed her legs.

    "They provided some feedback and insights on how I can improve upon my gene technology. It was an eye opener nga, e."

    "Did anyone scrutinize you?"

    "Yep. Pero they failed trying; as long as wala namang mai-o-offer na improvement ang kanilang mga sasabihin ay wala naman akong pake. And the answers are usually within my paper naman." She sat down to the nearest chair to her. "Ikaw ba, Soleil? Kumusta naman ang balak mo sa presentation niyo mamaya?"

    "May prepared naman kaming exhibit for nanotech. Problemahin mo itong isa—kanina pa parang sabog." Yumi walked towards me. Upon being in an arm's reach, she immediately held my palms. "You're cold."

    She's right, I'm shivering, and I don't know what to do. It may be because of the fact that this is probably the widest scope of researchers that I will face. I've been through many conferences before, but now... I don't know what happened to me.