The Circle

11.Heartbreaker

"I want 50 suicide runs. Then 50 squats, then 50 sit ups. You have 15 minutes to complete it or you can start again. We will be here all day if you cannot complete it in the allotted time." Isaac shouts.
"What a dick, they're called suicide runs for reason.. They make you want to commit" I whisper to Kayla as we walk over to the track.
She makes a throat cutting gesture and we both burst out laughing drawing much unwanted attention to ourselves.
I look over and catch Isaac staring at me. Usually he hides it but today's different, he's being reckless and its putting me on edge. I frown at him and turn away back to the track, I hear him sigh and walk over to his watch tower, where he can monitor us from above.
"Ok go" he shouts blowing his whistle to signal the beginning of our time.
I feel a sense of pride run through me as we're all running in formation, not breaking a sweat. Mind you it's only 10 runs in. 30 runs later and what I feel is not pride, something along the lines of pain, or torture would work better.
As we finish the laps we start our squats.
"To the floor" Isaac shouts from his ivory tower. Jerk just gets to watch with his feet up whilst we break our butts trying to survive. We all groan and squat to the floor and rise, squat to the floor and rise. By the end of this section I feel like death. I waddle over to the mats for sit ups and wince as I make my way to the floor. I have no idea how I will make it to 50, but by some miracle I do and am the first to finish. Thank goodness that's over. Or so I thought.
"Kira come up here" I hear Isaac shout.
Great.
As I trudge up what feels like a bazillion stairs I become nervous being in such close quarters with Isaac. No recruit is ever allowed up here so I have no idea why he would call me up here.
"Honey I'm home" I call as I reach the doorway. My call doesn't sound so sarcastic as I'm barely breathing and struggling to stand still. I feel woozy and lean against the wall for support.
"Kira?" Isaac calls quietly, he sounds worried but all I see is the blur of the wood floor and my combat boots as my eyes struggle to focus.
"Ye-" is all I get out before I fall to the rising ground. I just know this is going to hurt.
"Shit" Is all I hear before I'm falling to the ground, I don't make impact with the hard floor but with strong arms.
"Kira wake up!" I feel myself being shaken.
"I would if you stop shaking me" I groan.
"Oh thank god" I hear him say with a release of breath. I become aware that my body is between his legs and my head is in his arms. If only I was in this position for different reasons other than fainting.
"Uh can I get up now?" I ask.
He coughs awkwardly and let's me go. I push myself up and start to sway again, Isaac steadies me but I shrug him off. I can't have him touching me, it hurts too much. I step away from him and face him finally.
"Come on don't act like this. It's for your own good" Isaac patronises me.
"Do not dare tell me what is for my own good. You wouldn't know what is for my own good if it hit you in the face" I shout at him before realising where I am and looking over to check nobody heard us, thankfully everyone has left.
Isaac takes a step closer to me and I step back again.
"Stop it Kira. I'm doing this because I care about you" he tells me, although he looks pained to say it.
"Don't turn this around and tell me it's because you care about me. All you care about is yourself. If you really cared about me and knew me you would know that I want this enough to risk it all because my life will always be dangerous. I want something to make me carry on during the dark days where I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. You were my light but you turned it down for the sake of safety in a world where safety doesn't exist. How about I tell you how my life will go, if I don't die during the trials I'll graduate to become a sentinel where I will work for about 4 years, unless I die in combat, to then die of MK-175. That is my life and it sounds pretty shit if you ask me, so you want to know why I wanted to risk it, there it is. My life is no different without you but with you there is hope for me to feel something other than fear."
I hadn't realised I was crying slightly until Isaac brushes away a tear. He looks close to tears himself and I close my eyes soaking in the contact.
"Please stop" I plead.
"No" he replies.
"Yes" I whisper.
"I don't want to" he tells me.
"I need you to" I beg, clutching my arms to my body to make sure they don't hold him to me. I can't let him weasel his way back in. I need to let go and get on with my life.
"If it's what you want. We can try to make this work." Isaac tells me.
"Are you serious right now?" I ask dumbfounded that he would say that to me.
"What I thought that's what you wanted?" He asks.
"Oh my god. You're delusional. I wanted you to make this work because you couldn't go it alone like I can't but you just want to do it because I want you to. You know what forget it, I guess I'll have to make my own light because you clearly aren't able to" I tell him numbly as I go to leave.
"Kira wait that's not what I meant"
"Don't speak to me unless you have to. If it's not to do with training then I don't want to hear a word" I whisper whilst practically hearing my heart break.
I run down the steps and rush out of the hall, I stop round a corner and sink to the floor. I cry harder than I have ever before. I cry for the love I could of had, the childish way I acted and because I now know I'll die just like everyone else. Alone.
I don't remember getting up and going to the dorms, so it's a good bet I fell asleep in the hallway.
I feel jolted somehow, like I'm being carried. I open a eye a fraction to find myself actually being carried, by none other than the heartbreaker himself.
"Put me down" I demand and try wriggle out of his arms.
"No" he tells me and holds me tighter.
"Yes!" I argue.
"Kira just shut up and let me carry you" Isaac demands.
"Fine but we're going the wrong way. We just passed the corridor for dorms" I tell him stretching my head back to see the fleeting opening of the hallway.
Isaac continues walking silently before I interrupt again "we're not going to the dorms are we?" I ask, although I obviously know the answer.
"No" he responds.
"We're going to yours aren't we?" I ask again.
"Yes" he impassively answers.
I groan and close my eyes leaning my head against Isaac's chest as we make our way to my untimely doom.