Blair Silver

Part 22: A Soccer Game

I have to do it. I have to do it. I have to break up with him. I have to...

It's been another two days. He's coming over to my house tomorrow. Usually by this point I feel guilty even thinking about the person, much less seeing them or hugging them or kissing them, because it feels like I'm leading them on. And I do feel guilty. Very guilty, whenever I think about how I'm going to have to leave him. Yes, I did tell him at the beginning of the relationship that I'd hurt him, but it still feels horrible.

But then I see him. And there's no guilt, there's no desire to leave, there's no way for me to even think about leaving him. Because all I feel is this pure happiness growing inside my heart until it feels like it's going to burst. I'm half absolutely sure and half in complete denial that I'm in love with him. There isn't a single thing that I'd change about him. There isn't a single thing that I don't adore.

And now I've missed half of a lecture thinking about him. He's so distracting.

It'll be a miracle if I manage to pass my university courses this year.

-

"We're on for the soccer game after school, right?"

Jillian laughs. "Yes, I swear if I wasn't free I would have sent you like ten million texts, after what happened last time."

"It wasn't all bad, going by myself," I say, smirking to myself.

"Oh yeah, I'm sure." She sounds like she's trying not to laugh. I roll my eyes out at her.

We get my locker (she's already got all her stuff- her last class never gets out right at dismissal, it's either like five minutes early or five minutes late. Today was fortunately the first one), where Rachel and Gabrielle are discussing their game tonight. Jillian tunes in while I get my stuff, but I don't even try. I don't understand soccer, so I'd probably just end up trying to follow and then dropping everything in my locker.

My phone buzzes just as I finish packing my backpack. For a moment I'm annoyed, thinking it could be my mom informing me of an unreasonable expectation of my ETA because of a family dinner which I definitely will not be attending because I told her I was going to this soccer game like two weeks ago. When I check my phone, though, my irritation immediately disappears.

Blair <3:
You have a ride to and from the game tonight?

He's so thoughtful. I smile at the screen.

Sent:
Yeah, this time it's all arranged
I'm going with Jilly

Blair <3:
Alright. Let me know if something changes and you need a ride after all

Sent:
I will
Thank you
Like
For offering

Blair <3:
Of course, Teddy Bear

I crinkle my nose up and blush at my phone, and decide against responding. Gabrielle catches a glimpse of my face and smirks. "Texting your boy?"

I blush even more and pocket my phone. "Maybe."

"So, definitely yes," Jillian says, smirking.

"Not necessarily!" I protest weakly. "I said maybe!"

"Yeah, okay. Who else would make you blush that much?" Rachel asks, looking amused.

I open my mouth, then close it, then open it again, but nothing comes out, so I eventually give up and just glare at the whole group (I'm still blushing, though, so it's unlikely that I actually look even remotely intimidating). "Whatever."