Staying In South Park (Sequel to L.I.S.P.)

26

It was Sunday, and Kenny got up cos Stan texted him saying the pastor was upset with him for not going to church. "Who even cares?" I mumbled and rolled back over, wrapping my arms around him and pinning him to the bed.

"I've got to go to church, babe. Come with me." He said and I groaned. "Churches and I don't go well together." I said. "How about if you stay I'll blow you. If you go, no blowjobs for the whole next week." I said and he looked really torn. "I hardly see how that's fair. I'll be gone for only an hour. You can come with me." He said.

He ended up dragging me to church.

I got dressed in my regular clothes and shit, and drove us there. I parked and he pulled me in, going to the front pew where Stan and fatass were already sitting.

"Hey Kenny. Sup, Sarah." Stan said and I nodded at him. I was about to ask where Kyle was, but then I remembered that he was Jewish. Stupid me.

The sermon started and I really didn't pay attention, too busy focused on Kenny playing around with my fingers. He wasn't paying much attention either, apparently.

He went around from lacing our fingers together to matching them up, to playing with my fingertips, then fiddling with my engagement ring. I smiled to myself in pure happiness.

After an hour and a half or so, we were released and Stan and Cartman left their families to ride with Kenny and I. "I never see you in church, Sarah." Stan said. "Yeah, well that was Kenny's doing. He isn't getting any blowjobs for a week." I said.

"I thought you were kidding about that!" He said. I just shook my head. "Wait, you made a bargain that if he dragged you to church, he wouldn't get any BJs for a week?" "Yep." I nodded. "You're Satan." Kenny growled. "I know." I flipped my hair sarcastically.

"Wait, if she's Satan, does that mean that Satan just went to church?" Cartman asked. "It's a once a decade kinda thing." I laughed.

We went for Chinese, cos why the fuck not, and we luckily came early before other church people came. Even the goddamned Reverend came for Chinese. (A/N: Haha, got the pun?)

We ordered and ate, and things were going great until the reverend pastor thing came over. "Nice to see you Stan, Eric. And Kenny finally came to church, along with Sarah." He made eyes at Kenny and I. I just snickered under my breath, covering it up by clearing my throat.

"Well, you must know reverend, church is for some, but not for all." I smiled kindly. "I think you need to come to church more often to clean yourself up, young lady." He said sternly. I just stared up at him in confusion and shock.

"Excuse me?" I said flatly and the table and two tables beside us went completely silent.

"You... The way you dress, your hair, piercings, it may look Satanic to some people." "What's wrong with Satanic?" I asked. "It's purely evil. Surely, you aren't a devil worshipper?" "It's perfectly fine. Surely you don't know the first thing about Satanism." I said and he stared at me.

"First of all, there's different levels of Satanism, and the very first level, the most popular one, is actually about worshipping yourself and recognising yourself as a perfect human being and treating others as you want to be treated. Much more in that than there is in Christianity. The fifth level, which is the worst to most people, is when you start blood sacrifices and actually worship someone other than yourself. So, reverend, next time you think about talking about how someone looks and talking shit about a religion you don't know shit about, and is by far kinder than Christianity, I'd keep my mouth shut." I said with a smile.

"How on God's green Earth is Satanism kinder than Christianity?" He asked. "Well, as I explained, Satanism is about worshipping yourself and seeing yourself as perfect. Christianity, on the other hand, can either be nice and loving and accepting of everyone, or you can be that group that believes that God hates everyone. And everyone, I mean gays, Jews, people of different races, and about everyone else other than perfect white straight people. Cos you do know that everyone hates that group. So tell me, reverend, which group are you preaching to?" I asked.

It was almost completely silent, and I could see him fighting with himself, and I smirked. "I think that settles it. Good day, reverend." I said and he walked away as I sipped my tea.

"You. Are. Awesome." Stan said to break the silence. "I try." I smiled at him. I paid and drove Stan and Cartman home and went home with Kenny.

"You sure I get no blowjobs for a week?" "Sure." "Was that a yes I get blowjobs this week or no I don't?" He smirked. "That was a n-" "think about your answer. I might actually go back to my bed tonight." He said and got in my face with that stupid shit smirk.

"Fine." I gave in. "Great." He smiled and kissed me. I rolled my eyes, but let him. That stupid bastard.

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A/N:

Ok, so I might get in trouble for the next few chapters. They have to do with churchy stuff, as this one did.

I'm not bashing on Christians at all, okay? I was raised in a Christian family, and I'm sharing my experiences with some of the not-so-friendly side of Christianity.

If I end up offending anyone, I'm sorry, it wasn't meant to be offensive.

- Sarah Henley