Storm of Ideas [Undertale One-Shots]

If you were my boyfriend...

It was a good day for Epic. He had been away from his AU, so not Gaster to bother him and no one to tell him to move and stop being lazy for once. They would all have been deleted if not for him, so bitch, please-

He decided he needed a break, since he had some free time. He had been hanging out with Cross before, but now it was time to enjoy his 'me' time and spend some quality time with his couch, just relaxing. He was looking at memes in the Multinet, giggling to himself and his bottle of cookies next to him when he heard distant yelling. 

This wasn't unusual in the Bad Sanses hideout, maybe he should have gone to the Council instead. Then again, if he went there, people would expect him to interact, he just wanted to look at memes in his phone! He was thinking if he should just use some headphones to tune out the noise when someone slammed the door of the room he was in.

Looking in the direction of the sound, he saw Cross walking in, his face mad. He was just about to tease his friend when the monochrome skeleton's boyfriend Nightmare, the Guardian of Negativity himself, followed.

If he had a throat, Epic would have gulped. Oh shit, what was going on now.

"Epic" shouted Cross, "come here!"

But Epic was hesitant to do so. Locking the screen and putting his phone in his inventory for the time being, he turned to face the couple. Cross was a bit purple on the face, as if he was either flustered or mad. Seeing Nightmare's aggressive stance quickly made think Epic that it was the latter. Shame. 

The goopy skeleton was scowling, a frown on his face that intimidated Epic. He wasn't afraid of admitting it, that guy was terrifying.

"What is it, bruh?" Epic mumbled, glancing warily at the goopy skeleton before looking at his friend, sweating nervously while doing so.

"If you were my boyfriend-" Cross began. It was not a great start, Epic could already feel how his whole soul and body wanted to fuse with the ground and disappear. Forever.

Nightmare scoffed, clearly annoyed with the whole situation. Well, he was part of the problem, not Epic, why do they always drag him into this kind of thing! Why not Dust or Killer? Or even Horror, like, c'mon bruh!

"Great start for that question!" fumed the Guardian of Negativity. Someone save Epic, he was so gonna die via stabby tentacle through the skull at this rate.

Cross had the gall to look mostly composed, the little shit. No more cookies for Cross for at least a week! 

"Would you be mad if I was Dream's friend?" said backstabbing friend of Epic said. How dare Cross metaphorically throw him to his not as metaphorical as he would like death! 

Nightmare swore, angry. "What does it matter what he believes."

Epic fidgeted, sweating bullets. This was going to end so bad. Yugo mom! Come save him!

"That, uh, wouldn't thrill me too much."

"Of course it matter what he believes!" Nightmare grumbled, crossing his arms and glaring at the back of Cross' head. Epic sighed in relief. At least it was not him.

"That's not true!" Cross yelled, before composing himself once more as if remembering he wasn't talking to Nightmare, he was talking to Epic, even if it was totally directed at the goopy skeleton. "You know that you-"

"Bruh" he interrupted. Maybe his AU wasn't so bad in the end? He just had to fight to the death with the Gaster of Epictale, surely that was a much kinder end that whatever this was. "I don't want to get in the middle of this..."

"Oh no, you stay there!" Nightmare bellowed, his tentacles sharpening as if ready to stab.

"No no no!" Epic was begging. For what or why exactly, even he didn't know. He just wanted to go home right now, why-

Cross inhaled deeply, a hand on his face covering his mouth as if considering the pitiful sight of Epic before him before continuing mercilessly.

Well, fuck you too, bruh.

"You don't believe in the concept of believing in your mate."

At that, there was a whole symphony of red alarms in the purple skeleton's mind. Mayday, mayday! Everything is going to hell!

"Yes, yes I do, obviously I do" Epic said, shaking his head in an affirmative of some kind. 

"Get out!" bellowed Nightmare. Believe Epic, there was nothing more he would like to do right about now.

"Gladly!" 

It was time to run for his life. He was getting up when Cross put his hands on Epic's shoulders, forcing him to sit down before the two mates.

"Hold it!"

"UGH!" 

Epic should have teleported. Missed chance.

Nightmare lifted his scowl for a moment, looking directly at Cross. The purple skeleton had a bad feeling, that whole expression screamed fake. Like the kind of expression a mass murderer used before stabbing you thirty seven times through the chest.

He knew both Dust and Killer, he was familiar with that particular face. Epic shuddered.

"Hey, you know what?"

"What" Cross answered, you know, like an idiot.

"No no, don't tell him what!" Epic stammered. Was his friend that much of a moron? He already knew the other was oblivious at best and dense at worst, but what the actual fuck, bruh!

"Our relationship is over!"

And Nightmare grinned. He fucking grinned. "Nightmare, le gasp!" He couldn't believe his own ear canals.

"Are you breaking up with me?" 

Cross, friend, bruh, bruhest of the bruhs, stop provoking the skeleton semi God that could skewer you alive and leave you like swiss cheese. There would be so many wounds even Ink's memory would be better!

"No, no no no, it's not like that!" Epic tried to control the situation, stuttering. Both mates ignored him after pulling him into this mess.

Rude, bruh.

"Yes, it's like that" affirmed Nightmare.

"Yeah, it was like that..." Epic wanted to cry.

Cross was shaking, his fists tight and an angry expression on his face. 

"Enough with the nonsense!" snapped Cross.

"What does it matter to you" Nightmare observed, before smirking cruelly at the monochrome skeleton. "We are not mates anymore!"

Epic was fake sobbing. If he could cry, he would be doing exactly that, but alas-

"Bruh, please-"

Epic just wanted a peaceful evening filled with memes and relax, was that too much to ask?

Apparently, the answer was yes.

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I got inspired by a TikTok a friend showed me and this thing was born! But I don't remember the account :/