Fili

29: Second Guessing

*Trigger Warning: In this chapter, (Y/N) deals with low self esteem.*

It is the day before the wedding. You lie sprawled on your back across your bed, staring blankly at the ceiling, clothed in your nightgown.

For the past 24 hours, you've been feeling out of place. The sensation is new to you. Throughout the entire journey to the mountain, the battle, and through everything that's happened up until this point, you've been confident and sure of yourself. Today felt different. You've been doubting yourself and forgetting your worth.

"Why would Fili choose me. I'm not even a real dwarf and he's the heir to the throne of Durin," you think to yourself.

"He could have anyone in Middle Earth, yet he chose the half human misfit dwarf girl with not one bit facial hair." You sigh. "I'd almost look normal next to a human, except for my height and the fact that my legs look out of place. They're far too muscular, too much like a dwarf, too big for my body."

You stand up to look in the mirror beside your bed. The reflection staring back at you seems warped. "Why is it that I've felt beautiful for so long, but now I feel anything but pretty."

You press your lips together and punch the wall beside you, sending a shiver of pain up your arm.

"Gahhh!" You yelp, clutching your arm.

Seconds later, Fili bursts into the room, "(Y/N), are you alright? What is going on?"

You tremble, ready to collapse as you hold back tears.

"Oh, (Y/N), love, come here," Fili's voice softens and he embraces you as your tears fall.

"I'll-never-be-good-enough," you sob, "Why- would you ever- choose me."

"Wha- because I love you!" Fili wipes a tear off your cheek, "I've always loved you. Because the first time I saw you, I knew THAT is what I wanted my Queen to look like. I saw you. I saw a brave, confident, BEAUTIFUL, half-dwarf girl and knew I wanted to get to know you immediately. (Y/N), you don't have to look a certain way to be beautiful. What you may think are 'flaws', well, I've fallen in love with them."

You smile faintly.

He continues, "You are strong like a dwarf, caring like a human, and I would never ask you to change that, even if the world depended on it."

Fili kisses your forehead.

"There is NO ONE I'd rather marry. If anything, I should be the one concerned about why you picked me!" He laughs, "You could have picked Kili instead for all I know."

"No way!" You laugh, "Kili is into elves anyway. Plus, you're the better looking sibling. But don't tell Kili I said that."

"Don't worry, I won't say a word to him," Fili winks.

There is a pause in the conversation.

"Don't worry, you're the only one I have heart eyes for," you say, kissing Fili's cheek, playing with one of his messy blonde braids.

"Well that's good! It's kind of late to back out now," Fili jokes.

"I can't wait to marry you tomorrow, Fee!" You smile.

"And I can't wait to marry you, my beautiful (Y/N)." He smiles back.