Only Love Remains - Paul McCartney Fanfiction

Chapter 2 - Silly Sad Songs

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I was sitting down on the farm as I watched Paul walk along the grass, looking for anything to make him feel better. He just couldn't find something to cheer him up and make him wanna live. He would get up, drink, and sleep. If it was a good day, he would go for a wander around the farm like he was today.

Whistling a little tune that had been stuck in my head, I decided I'd walk with him to give him some company. Maybe he'd feel better with me there, he used to tell me he loved having me around. I remember one night when he just held me and told me things were better when we were together. That was the night before he proposed.

It was a bit of a long way to walk, he had just been wandering around the farm without any thought, but I eventually caught up to him and just walked alongside him without saying anything. I didn't know what to say, I couldn't have a proper conversation with him anymore. He didn't wanna talk.

We used to talk about everything and anything that came to our minds. There was never any awkwardness about it, we could just blabber on even if what we said didn't matter or make much sense. It was just nice to hear each other's voices.

Our voices seemed to really stand out in attraction when we first met. Of course, we loved each other's accent, we came from different countries and the places we lived in made it even more different. I was a southerner from Texas and he was a scouser from Liverpool. Now, I only ever hear him yelling or slurring. I wish we could just have one normal conversation again.

I really missed my husband like crazy. He was here physically and stuff, but he acted like a shell of a man now. It was heartbreaking to see him lose so much of himself so quickly the way he had over the past few months, and it was frustrating too.

Maybe it was selfish of me to think this, but we were supposed to start a family now and settle down. That's what we wanted as soon as we entered the new decade. He told me that in the seventies if we didn't already, we'll start having children. We wanted to plan the timing so we could figure out what we would do by then.

"What're you doing?" Paul asked, his voice monotonous and low.

"Walking with you," I replied. "I just wanna be with you. I love you, honey."

"I know, and I love you too," Paul said. "I'd rather be alone though. You can't help me."

Well, I guess he at least told me he loved me today. Sometimes, though, I wondered if he just snuck it in early during the day just so he didn't have to say it until the next day. Thoughts like that really got to me, I didn't know how he felt anymore so it's not like there was much to base any conflicting ideas on.

"You don't wanna talk or anything?" I asked.

"Just go," Paul said, a bit too coldly. "Leave before you piss me off and I get mad. I don't wanna yell at you."

I gulped and nodded, before walking the other way from him and going back to the house. That one hurt way more than he probably could've realised in his drunken haze. I kept telling myself he didn't mean what he said, he never does and he always apologises once he's thinking straight again.

Maybe he was just warning me and telling me he didn't wanna accidentally say anything to hurt me again. I know I shouldn't be making all these excuses, but they're the only things keeping me from seeing him in a positive light right now. If I just paid more attention to these comments, I'd probably drive myself insane and would've already left. I couldn't leave though, I couldn't abandon my husband. I had to be by his side.

Finding myself at a piano, I played a few chords and noodled around in D minor for a bit. I always thought that key was sadder than the others, I had always wanted to write something with it but I had never really been sad enough to feel like I could do it justice. I mean, you can't really do a key justice, but I wanted to be able to put true and raw emotion to fit the sound.