Only Love Remains - Paul McCartney Fanfiction

Chapter 6 - Mistakes

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I would be returning home in 3 days, but after all that wishing to be back with Paul, I suddenly didn't wanna go home. It wasn't just out of nowhere, there was reason behind it, but it was not a good reason. I don't even like that fact that it exists.

Something kept telling me this would happen, but I didn't listen. I should've just gone with my gut and not even set myself up for it, I can't believe I was so fucking stupid. This could ruin everything. Even Paul, who was desperate to have me come back, could turn me away if he found out.

We were at the party having fun and I kept somewhat of a low profile and just chatted to a few people and sat around. I didn't feel like dancing or screaming or going crazy, I was just enjoying the energy that everyone else had. When you're in a room full of people that are having the time of their lives, you can't help but feel a little better.

All I had was a smoke and just one cup of a very weak vodka. I tried not to drink too much because of how weird it felt and sounded when I would sing afterwards. Most singers didn't care very much, they liked the rasp it gave them and they didn't think twice about what it did, but I was always that very careful person. I guess you could say I was a bit boring or kind of a square, but I knew it would help me more than hurt me.

I thought it was pretty funny that Paul and I fell for each other. At the time in our lives that we had met, our lifestyles seemed very different. He liked parties and drinking and drugs and I liked quiet nights and thinking twice. Maybe we balanced each other out. Paul had certainly shown me new things just as I have done the same to him. He thought it was a bit odd that I liked spending Friday nights at home but learned to embrace it and even stay home with me more.

I began to miss him again. Despite the terrible way things happened, I couldn't help but keep thinking about him. I was so devoted and in love with him and felt that he couldn't have acted like that if he was truly alright. Maybe I'm making excuses for him, I don't even know what I'm supposed to believe anymore, but I married a good man who had a big heart, not someone who acted the way he did.

Just as I got up to search for Andy or Tim, I felt someone stop me with a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and felt everything kind of just freeze while my head began to go wild.

In front of me stood a somewhat tall blond man that I knew all too well. A bit too well. The only time I think about this man is when I'm worrying about the whole trust and truth thing. While I don't blame him for anything and while he's a good guy, I just have issues of my own that happen to link with him.

"Hey, Ramona! Long time no see," he said.

"Phillip," I said, feeling a bit shocked as I looked at him. He was still handsome and still charming. "How are you?"

I kept a smile on my face and remained friendly and polite. It's been a couple of years so I decided that we had both moved on and it was okay to have a little chat.

Why was I so worried about seeing him again? Well, we simply had a bit of history together.

Okay, maybe history isn't enough to explain.

Paul and I had a brief breakup in '66. It was a few months after I had moved in with him and we were going through a rough patch. Before I had moved in with him, we had only seen each other whenever we were both free, which was rare since we were so busy with our careers at that point and because we lived in different countries. The most time we had spent together at a time was probably only a week or two, so moving in kind of pushed us out of whatever infatuation we had and we began to see what the other was like in everyday life.

Of course, that kind of transition would be hard on any relationship. When you go from living in different countries to moving in together, things can change and you feel like you don't really know the other person properly. I think the problem was that we were afraid of how different it was and we weren't consumed by this giddy crush. We had to learn to truly love and that meant seeing each other for the person, including all the flaws, and we both had a lot of flaws.