Only Love Remains - Paul McCartney Fanfiction

Chapter 7 - Bring Me Home

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"Andy, I-I really don't know if I can go home. He'll hate me," I said.

"What could he possibly hate you for? Paul loves you, doesn't he, Tim?" Andy asked his husband.

Tim nodded as he stirred his tea around. "Of course he does. Honestly, Ramona, if there's anyone he can't stay mad at, it's you."

It was nice seeing Tim again, we hadn't seen each other in ages since I had been admittedly a bit too busy to visit people. I hated when I couldn't make time for people, I really did try, but this career really liked to move fast a lot. All I knew is that as soon as I make the decision to start a family, I'm taking time off music, which means more time for friends and family. Unfortunately, it was uncertain if I would ever get there.

Tim was like Andy if Andy was a bit less hyper, like the kind of sophisticated version of him. Not to say that Andy wasn't sophisticated, he could sure act real fancy when he wanted to, but naturally he was just more of an overly energetic goofball while Tim was a laid back goofball.

Tim had fluffy light mousy brown hair that almost looked blonde if it was in a certain light. His eyes were a sharp blue which could pierce through literally anything and everything. I remember when Andy would go on and on about how cute Tim is and how smiley he would get thinking about him. The man couldn't stop blushing the first few times he thought about his face.

"Ya'll don't even know what I've done and are already telling me it's fine, but believe me, I can't even sleep because of all this damn guilt," I admitted. I let out a deep and shaky breath. "I just got so lost in the moment and I... gosh, I hate myself for it."

Tim looked up from his cup of tea and had his eyebrows furrowed at me in confusion. Andy just nodded as if he were telling me to keep on going.

"You remember when me and Paul broke up for a bit a few years ago? I was seeing guys as some kind of rebound I guess. One guy, well it was a bit of an affair. We slept together, talked about our problems... he was great," I said. I hadn't spoken about it out loud ever. I barely even liked to think it. "I saw him at the party. We talked because we had nothing else to do a-and we... I'm so embarrassed. We kissed. It didn't go past that, we stopped and realised what we were doing, but it feels terrible.

I saw Andy's lips part slightly in shock as Tim sat down next to him on the couch. "You didn't let it go any further. It isn't as bad as it could be, don't blame yourself too much either, Ramona," Tim said.

"But Paul can get jealous so easily sometimes and he hasn't been in the right state of mind either. Anything could happen, and I'm not looking forward to that," I said. I began to get teary just thinking about it.

Andy placed his hand on my shoulder comfortingly. "You won't lose him that easy," he said. "It's alright, you're allowed to cry. What you can't do is be too tough on yourself. He'll understand, he has to."

"And when he doesn't, what do I do? Leave the house heartbroken without my marriage anymore? I wanna believe that he'll understand, but I just can't right now, I've got the worst feeling in my gut and it scares me to even think about," I said hurriedly, as if I couldn't contain anymore of my thoughts.

I had this really bad thing where I would always picture the worst case scenario when it came to romance. While I was a hopeless romantic, I was not an optimistic one, and it had really messed me up sometimes. It's always made me shy around guys I think are cute, so I'm surprised I even managed to get with Paul in the first place.

It didn't help that one of my biggest fears was losing Paul. To me, he was one of the biggest blessings in my life, I couldn't imagine not having him with me. I have never been so in love with a man before, even if it's been hard, I still love him with all my heart.