Journey through Lupus

High school

I had to be in the 9th grade. My eyes starting running blood and I was running a temp. My parents taught at my high school and my dad took off and took me to the hospital. They couldn't diagnosed me but I was given medicine for being anemia and fever. While at the ER I had developed a migraine. It was severe. I was given a pain medication in a shot. My head didn't stop hurting until the next day.

In high school I suffered with my joints hurting, sharp pains in my hands. I didn't want to feel different from my other friends so I never spoke of what I was going through. Never could be in the sun long periods of a time. I use to love to visit my friends that stayed in the house. No one knew I suffered with migraines but my parents and my doctor. I did a great job hiding my illness when I was younger.

The real stress came my senior year. My world was turned upside down due to several deaths in my family. I had never lost anyone close to me until my grandmother died. It was devastating to me. I had also noticed that my dad was losing weight quickly and going to the doctor a lot. I asked him what was going on but my parents didn't let me know at that time what was going on. Being at my grandmother funeral really took a toll on me. My sister n law tried to console me. Dot is more like a sister to me and I love her to the moon and back. About 2 months later my brother moved back from New York and we had to take my father to Emory to see this doctor. While in the visit this doctor mashed my father stomach and he told him that he had 2 weeks to live. I went into shock because my dad had cancer and I'm about to lose him. I broke down and cried like a baby. My dad was my world. We did everything together. My brother took me out the room and he held me and ask me to stop crying just for daddy. He told me I was upsetting him. My next emotion set in and that was anger because everyone knew and they didn't tell me. I went into a deep depression. My mom told me that they wanted me to enjoy my senior year in high school. I would have traded everything to have my daddy alive. I prayed to God to please heal my dad. My dad was home but he got very ill. We had to rush him to the hospital in Dothan. My dad told me he's sorry that he won't be able to see his princess graduate but he already see me walk across the stage. He told me to make him and mom proud and he loved me. It was exactly two weeks when my daddy left me. I was laying by him in the hospital in Dothan Al when he took his last breath. My mom and brother were sleep. I woke them up and I was very numb. I called my neighbors and told them he had died. I refused to go to school those two weeks or even leave the hospital. I didn't know how to handle all the emotions I had going on. My mom was a strong woman. She handled it with grace especially since she just lost her mom. She told me when you are close to God you can handled anything. I thought I was close to God but not like mom.

I went and got my hair done for the funeral and got my first haircut. My dad wouldn't let me cut my hair but I was so distraught until I got it cut. My mom told me you know your dad would be angry but your cut is pretty. I smiled but I was dying inside. I was dating a guy named Tim and I completely shut him out. My dad funeral was going to be 2 days before my graduation. My mom had the funeral in 2 days after his death. My favorite aunt and uncle from North Carolina was at the house trying to console me the night before the funeral. I had a crying spell that just wouldn't end. They finally got me to sleep. I had a lot of stress building up.

The day of the funeral was rough. Half my high school was there. Lord Mrs Linda Smith song my daddy's favorite song, His Eye on the Sparrow and I lost it. To this day I have tears when I hear this song. My boyfriend tried to console me and everyone else. I remembered hollering Lord my daddy is gone and what am I going to do. I remember laying on my sister Dot crying like a little baby. She was always nurturing to me and she calmed me down. After the funeral we went to my mom church for the graveside service. But of course I didn't go to the grave because I wasn't ready to face reality. To me that meant the end. I stayed in the church with Tim. Everyone gathered in the dining hall to eat but I couldn't eat. My aunt told Tim to take me home because I started looking sick to her. I had swollen in my face. It wasn't from the crying. My face was hurting. Then I got a very bad migraine headache. I got home and laid down and I was still crying. Tim had a rough time with me but he stood by me through this.