Journey through Lupus

FAMU

The day had arrived for me to go to college. I wasn't ready, nervous about being away from home and I didn't want to leave my mom. I wasn't too sure about this college thing. My brother told me these will be the best years of my life. He told me to enjoy it. Go to parties but make sure I keep my grades up. He was telling me that it's a lot of guys here and that Tim and I wouldn't be a couple long. I had gone from a size 0 to a 8 within a month and a half. I wasn't happy about that at all. In 3 days of being at FAMU I ended up in the hospital. I had swollen even more and my blood pressure was too low. I was in the hospital for 4 days. My mom was very worried about my health. I had a lot of issues with my health before I left to move to Atlanta. Still not knowing what was wrong me, I was having all types of issue. College wasn't as fun to me like my brother said. It was too hot for me in Florida. Don't get me wrong I did my partying, going to games and etc. My freshman year I moved off campus and had my own crib. One of my friends from home use to come and stay with me. We had a blast plus my God child. It was always a party at my crib. I also had a job working at The Florida Attorney General office as a Receptionist. I loved my job.

My brother also came to live with me for a while. He had gotten on drugs really bad. I prayed God would remove this from him. Dealing with work, college, weight gain, missing my daddy and my brother issues almost became too much for me. My brother and I had gotten into it and my mom came and got him. I never spoke to him again because I just couldn't understand how he could do what he had done to me. My mom had to get me new everything. I let my anger take over and I didn't understand substance abuse. Exactly 2 weeks later my brother died from a overdose. I will never forget that day. I was so upset because I refused to talk to him and now he's dead. If it wasn't from prayer I wouldn't be here today. I ended up in the ER. I checked myself out so I could get home to my mom. She was strong as usual. How can she cope? She lost her mom, her husband, mother n law and now her son. She handled it with grace. This time I was going to be strong for my mom. My heart went out to my niece because she was young and wouldn't experience the things I did with my daddy. She was crazy about her dad like I was. I made a promise to God that I would stay close to her and be there for her.

The day of the funeral I tried to fight back the tears. I felt like I was reliving my dad funeral all over again. The choir sung this song and I took off running in 4 inch heels. It was a guy friend that ran behind me. He took me home. It was just too much for me to bear. I ended up at the ER because I had swollen up and migraine again. He brought me back home and I went to bed. The next day he picked me up and took me on a picnic and then to the movies.

I went back to Tallahassee the next day and he followed me to make sure I made it ok. The next couple of days I was in depression mode. He did get me to snap out of it. I thank God I always had some great people in my life. They were always there when I needed them.