𝗕𝗔𝗦𝗛 𝗦𝗜𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗥?

1 : never understood

there were a few things in my life i personally never understood, besides school.

the first one being a real relationship. i mean, of course i had those little crushes and sure i did date some of them, but those wouldn't matter when i was older.

the next thing is a true, sincere, friendship. i somehow always got left out or people would drop me out of the clear blue, hearing some dumb rumor.

the last one was family, well i mean it honestly was a whole different story.

everything was great when i was born. i had my older brother, ethan, and an amazing mom and dad.

but, when i was about two or three, my dad left us all, honestly not even having a true reason.
as i got older i asked my mom frequently about it, but she never said a word. always saying, and i quote, "it doesn't matter, he was a douche anyways."

then when i turned 10, my brother and mom were in a car accident and died right on the spot.

i'm now 14 years old, and i haven't hugged one person since then. it's always been a handshake, fist bump, or a mini side hug.

i couldn't bare hugging someone because i felt as if i would just break down as soon as i felt their touch.

i mean, i literally punched a girl in the gut because she tried hugging me. i got suspended for a day and when they asked why i did that i just said it was 'reflexes'.

i only ever cried once as i watched my mom slowly get lowered into the ground.

i remember for at least a month straight, i did absolutely nothing. i just sat at this little orphanage i was put in and stared out the window.

i was put into an orphanage since my grandma was already sick and all of my other relatives either lived out of town or out of state.

but, soon an opportunity came up for me to go to this foster home. there was only a woman and her name was marie dutch.

i never called her mother, like the other kids, because i felt as if it was just plain wrong. i think she understood that though.

when i first arrived it was only me. but as the years went on, she gained a few more kids.
now there was a total of 3 kids. i am the oldest and the youngest is 7 years old.

it goes cole, drake, and then me. both drake and cole were brothers and they were sent to the same orphanage.

i was closest to drake since he was the second oldest. cole was 7 years old.

sometimes we would play video games together and when we played 'family uno', we'd always cheat somehow.

something i have enjoyed for about six years now is hockey though.

sure, maybe i haven't been able to play every year, but the years i have, i've had a grand time.
one of my teams was even able to go all the way to the state championship game. we sadly came in second but it was a memory i would never forget.

that year i was the captain for my team and was given the mvp award at the ceremony.

my mom was still around at the time and she was so proud at how far i had become.
but now i honestly don't think she would be proud of me.

i've been failing school, not having motivation to do anything, and everything has just felt so bleh.

marie could tell that something was up, though i didn't say anything about school. i just couldn't.

i stayed after school sometimes saying 'i was going to a friends house' and asked teachers for help, but it wouldn't click.

i would stay up until 1 or 2 in the morning studying or trying to understand how to do a simple math problem.

everything felt as if it was slowly devouring me, so to get my mind off of things i decided to go to the local ice rink.

i took the city bus and arrived in a matter of minutes.

as soon as i walked in, the cold air hit my face and i was already cold.

i went over to the bench and laced up my hockey skates and walked out to the ice.
there were a few others on the ice, but not too many.

i was zipping around everyone and even some would comment on my skills.

about an hour later i made my way home. i told marie i wouldn't be out for too long.

as i walked in the front door, i could smell marie's famous pasta she always makes. that was my favorite food from her.

we all ate with a comfortable silence in the air and talked about our days.

i was just glad that tomorrow would finally be friday.

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