I'm fine, We're fine [boyxboy]

Nine

Zayn's POV

I should have hightailed my ass straight to Harry's apartment as soon as Liam had told me what he had done. I should have knocked the door down and wrung that curly fucker's neck.

Liam knew what he had seen. I don't think he would have even brought it up if there was an ounce of uncertainty that his eyes were betraying him. Whatever they saw was what took place. Drunk or not, it had happened and I didn't doubt it one bit.

I had never witnessed Harry doing anything to Louis with my eyes. But I had picked up little clues. Harry was watchful of Louis. He treated him like a piece of meat and bared his teeth if anyone got too close or Louis strayed too far. Louis was jumpy and a little too eager to please. I saw the way he ran after Harry that night at Niall's and I couldn't forget the busted lip he had a couple months back. I had not noticed the patch of concealer around his eye, not until Lottie had pointed it out. But all of the signs were there.

Liam caught me off guard. I wished I had done something or said something that had made him quiet like he was. Maybe I had danced with someone else or whispered something into his ear that made him a little uncomfortable and he just didn't know how to tell me. I prayed he had overheard me asking Harry for sex advice and he thought I was only after one thing. I wanted to know I had done something stupid. Anything that could have saved me from knowing what I know now would have been perfect. But he caught me off guard and I blew it off.

I blew it off.

"Zayn? You okay?"

"Huh?"

"I asked if you were okay."

I stared at Liam for a second before shrugging and looking away.

The grocery store was crowded and cold. The fixture that would crack with thunder and sprinkle down on the produce was too loud. On every side of us there was someone. One woman was squawking into her phone and I saw the stain of red lipstick on her teeth. Another man was scratching himself like no one was watching. There was a mother behind us struggling with two rowdy kids and I could see a young guy, perhaps my age, up ahead sampling grapes out of the plastic bags.

It was overwhelming.

"Zayn?" Liam had stopped and was now holding my arm. The warmth of his fingers seeped through the thin material of my shirt. "Talk to me." He looked down at me with such care I could have cried.

"I'm an awful person, Liam."

Liam wasn't a stupid man. He had been asking me if I was okay for days and it was always some version of "Mhm", "I guess", or my personal favorite, a shrug. He had asked to see me yesterday and I told him no because I thought it was his fault that I felt this way. If he had just taken two or three more shots he wouldn't have been able to tell if what he saw was even Harry and I wouldn't be dissolving in a pit of acidic guilt. Looking at him now, I knew that wasn't fair to Liam. He waited patiently until I sighed.

"The other day when you told me about Louis and Harry at the bar. I just kind of ignored it and all I've gotten from him since is a picture. I called him before we came in and he wouldn't answer." It was the half-ass version of the rollercoaster of thoughts going through my head.

"That doesn't make you an awful person." Liam let go of the silver cart that held the two pumpkins we had just put into it. "You didn't know how to react and that's okay. There is nothing wrong with taking time for yourself and your happiness. Louis would understand that."

I appreciated him sticking up for me, but that wasn't the problem. Truth was, I was too wrapped up in myself and Liam to pay anything else much attention. The time I had spent with Liam the past few days was the best I had felt in months. It was nice to be wanted, to be told I was gorgeous, and have someone play in my hair. I had been without the touch of someone who cared about me for so long, I couldn't help it. I pushed off my best friend to spend time with a guy and it was eating me up.