I'm fine, We're fine [boyxboy]

Twenty

Louis POV

“I said no.” 

Harry’s oversized hand slid up my arm again and I pushed him away. “Do you know the meaning of the word no?” I eyed him with an annoyed frown and went back to the butter knife I held tight in my hand. A glob of peanut butter was on the end and its destination lay in my other. The opposite side of the wheat bread was already covered in strawberry jelly. 

I caught the faint whiff of garlic from his lunch when he sighed and stalked away from me, hands fiddling with his pockets. I watched him go, my gaze lingering on the back of his head when he dropped down onto the couch. The hairs at the back of my neck prickled when I turned. It was like his gaze was locked on me, staring me down, but in the reflection of the microwave glass I could see he wasn’t looking my way. 

Harry had tried it twice already and the sun was barely beginning to set. I was used to him pawing at me at night, but not during the day, not when I could still manage to slip away from him. Don’t get me wrong, I did have the urge to go to bed with him. I still loved Harry with every part of myself but the thought of seeing him hovering above me or seeing him when looking over my shoulder behind me, covered in sweat was eerie; it was the same way he had looked that day. It was unbearable, but I would rather push him off than explain why. An explanation risked his anger.

With the knife, I smeared a layer of peanut butter that was too thick onto the other slice of bread and drug my tongue across the blade to catch the remainder. Tossing it into the sink, I smashed it to the other slice and dropped it onto a paper plate. There was already a mass of cheese puffs on one side and they tumbled around beside the sandwich while I carried it into the living room. I considered sitting away from Harry but I knew he was trying. I had to put in effort if we were ever going to make it. 

I dropped beside him, sitting so close my elbow was almost bent in his lap. I could have laid my head on his shoulder if I wanted to. Beside me I felt him stiffen, but it was brief. I didn’t look over at him until he relaxed against me. When I did, he had a smidgen of a smile on his face. “Now you want me?” he said sweetly, but I heard the sarcasm. 

“To sit by you. I can move if that’s a problem.” I adjusted the hold I had and made as if to move. Harry grabbed my leg and shook his head. 

“Stay. I miss having you close.” 

I settled back against him and we both looked at the TV. We didn’t sit close like this, not often, anyway. Harry tried his best. He sat by me on the couch, sometimes I would scoot away. When I was stretched out on the bed, he’d creep in and slide in next to me. If I was in the kitchen, he was behind me touching me in some way. Sometimes it was my back, other times he would hold my shoulders and rub the knots curled together under my skin. I had dropped my hours at work, but every now and then he would show up just to see me. If I was being honest, I missed it, too. But how could I fall completely back into his arms knowing what he did? I suppose it was counterproductive because I was living with him again. I guess that meant we were together. I wasn’t even sure. 

“Do you want some?” I offered him the sandwich I’d just taken a bite out of. I knew he was getting more active lately, but his eating habits hadn’t changed that much. 

Harry looked surprised. “Uhm, no, thank you though.” He smiled a little and I felt him shifting beside me again. For a moment I thought he was going to push me away or even take my food, but I was wrong because he laid it over my shoulder. It was a hesitant movement and he took his time dropping it around me. When I didn’t move, he pulled me closer. It was one of the few times I didn’t flinch away from him or give him a weary side glance.