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Sometimes,
I stare at the ground a little too long,
And when someone points it out,
I apologize.
Say "sorry I spaced out for a second"
When I mean to say,
" Sorry, I didn't hear what you said,
Cuz when I was staring at the ground,
I thought about the day on which I will be lowered down into it."
I don't say that,
Because very few people understand.
They don't understand that I want to die,
That part of me always will,
But I have things to do,
So I can't.
I say I'm not brave enough to try,
Knowing there are so many times I've tried,
And failed,
But no one knows about because my greatest fear is being a burden,
Of guiding someone through my mind,
And I don't think people are ready for that road trip.


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