Finally Free

twenty-six

Eden

Noise. It's loud. It bounces around in my ears. It's harsh.

The light is harsh too, bright. It burns into my closed eyes. I feel no pain. I feel okay.

I think I hear mom. I think I hear Sage.

I try to open my eyes but it's too bright too bright.

"Eden?" Sage. That's Sage. I feel a numb sort of pain in my side.

"Eden, honey, try not to move." Mom says. I groan, my mouth is dry.

I finally blink against the light, I feel someone holding my hand, it's a familiar touch. A loving, careful, warm touch. It's Sage.

"Sage?" I say, my voice is scratchy, barely there. I blink up at him, he looks exhausted.

"Hi." He says.

"Hi." I say. Mom stands on my other side, she passes me a cup of water and I gratefully take it.

"I'm in the hospital." I say. Sage and mom nod. Both look like they've been crying. "I wanted to let go." I say. Mom breaks. She sits down in a chair that's pulled up to my bed.

"It's okay, honey." She says gently through her tears.

"I couldn't though. I need to apologize to so many people. I need to make things right." I feel disoriented.

She simply nods at me as Sage moves his thumb back and forth on my hand, it's soothing.

"Sage- I'm so- I'm so sorry." I say looking at him. He nods, brings my hand to his lips and kisses it gently.

"It's okay. I know." He says. "I know." I smile weakly. I hurt. My soul hurts. My brain hurts.

"Who shot me?" I ask. Mom and Sage look at each other.

"You don't need to worry about that right now." Mom says. I'm too tired to fight her on it. "Get some rest." I nod and close my eyes.

I was so sure I was dead. I was so sure there was no coming back from this. Yet, here I am. Alive.

I don't understand why I always make it out of these things alive and okay.

I wish I had taken Shawn's spot. I shouldn't have let him kill himself for me. I didn't deserve it.

He should still be alive.

He could still be alive if I weren't such a coward.

I feel myself growing more tired and I fall asleep. I wonder if Sage will still be there when I wake.

♢♢♢

"Hey Eden." The doctor says. I woke up not long ago. Sage is still here, he's passed out in a chair with his head rested on the bed, his hand still in mine.

"Hi." I say quietly.

"How are we feeling?" He asks making sure to not be too loud. "Any nausea? Headache? Pain?"

"Uhm pain." I say. He nods, writes something down.

"Okay I can turn up your I.V. drip." He says. He goes down a list of other things.

"How long am I going to have to be in here?" I ask.

"It depends how you're doing. We'll check in frequently and measure how you are every day." He says and I nod. I've already spoken to the police and so has Sage.

They still haven't told me who they think shot me, but they told the police. Every time I try to ask they change the subject, they tell me not to worry about it. But that just makes me worry more.

Mom called Christian, he might visit. My phone has been off and I'm afraid to turn it on. Afraid to see if Carter has left me messages.

I want to be done with him. I want to be done with 'The Angels'. I want to be done with that part of my life and I should've made that decision initially.

"Mom, can you hand me my phone?" I ask. She nods, reaches into the plastic bag with all my bloody belongings in it and hands me my phone.

"I cleaned it off earlier." She says. I thank her and power it on. I have multiple missed calls and texts from Carter. He sent these hours ago.

I turn off my phone and set it down and Sage jerks awake.

"Hey." He says to me. He yawns and stretches, not letting go of my hand.

"Sleep good?" I ask smiling. He shakes his head.

"No. My neck is so sore." He says as he rubs a spot on his neck.

"You can go home and sleep." I say. I don't want him to is what I don't say.

"No, I'm not leaving." He says. I smile.

"I'm going to go get coffee." Mom says. She leaves the room and I'm glad I can be alone with Sage. I'm still tired but I'm more rested and I'm drugged up enough to not be in much pain.

"I'm sorry." I say to him. "I'm sorry because I'm still in love with you. I'm sorry that I gave up on you so easy. I'm so sorry." He holds my gaze for a moment before he stands and he kisses me.

He kisses me and I feel so good. My body ignites and I feel like I could fly, I feel like I could fly around the world.

He pulls away, sits back down and holds my hand in his once more.

"I'm sorry for everything I've done. I'm sorry for not protecting you enough, for always getting you hurt. I'm sorry," He says, he starts to smile, "I'm still in love with you. I never stopped. I thought I'd be able to move on but I couldn't. You're it for me."

I can't help the smile that's on my face, though it is weak.

"Sage, you have nothing to apologize for. I was always such a bitch to you. I don't know why it's taken me this long to realize that I was a terrible girlfriend to you. But, if you want, I'd love a second chance. I'd love to be nothing but good to you." I say. He smiles softly at me.

"You can have a million chances, Eden." He says. "Does that mean you're my girlfriend again?" I nod.

"Can you hold me?" I ask him. "I've missed you." My voice is still weak, quiet. His eyes are soft, full of emotion. He nods and I make an effort to shift.

He slides slowly onto the bed, careful not to hurt me. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me close to him. I lay my head on his chest and close my eyes.

His body is so familiar, comfortable. Safe.

"I love you, girlfriend." He whispers.

"I love you." I say back.

The door opens, I don't open my eyes. I could stay like this forever. I feel myself drifting to sleep again.

"Sleep well, my love." Sage whispers quietly against my ear. "I love you so much."