Strangers in Disguise (The Dating Series #3)

CHAPTER 36

John's POV

When I looked at her, pain is written all over her face.

"Avery?" I called.

Without a single notice, Avery ran away from me while tears are streaming down her face. Agad ko syang hinabol but she's already in her car.

"AVERY!" I shouted. She didn't look back and hurriedly left. "Damn!" I cursed and quickly turned got inside my car and rushed to her.

I followed her car and increased my speed to keep up with her.

She rushed her way back to her unit and slammed the door.

"Avery! Let's talk." I said while knocking on her door. "Avery, please." I begged.

I didn't hear a response from her but I know she's right there, listening.

"Please, let's talk about this." 

Hindi muli sya sumagot but I can hear her sobs on the other side of the door.

Nanghihina akong umupo at sumandal sa pinto. Napahawak ako sa ulo ko dahil halo halo na ang tumatakbo sa isip ko.

"I'm sorry if it feels like I rushed you. It's just that...I feel like if I didn't make an action now, someone else will do...and I..." I sighed. "I'll completely lose my chance."

I know Avery's not hard to love and there's no assurance that we will be together until the end, but I want to take my chances. I had it once, and I won't waste it twice.

"What I told you earlier is true. I won't take it back. I still love you after all these years, Avery. There's no day that I didn't think of you...and I regret letting you go. If only I was stronger back then, then maybe...there could still be us. But I was a coward who got blinded by my responsibilities. By achieving my goals, I forgot that there's a girl who constantly supported and loved me..."

I can already feel the lump in my throat while trying to continue my sentence.

"...I forgot that I have you."

I remember the time that we're still together, I remember her efforts, I remember how she tried to fix us and I didn't even do a thing. While I'm busy thinking about our future, I forgot to look at the present.

"That's why I came back to find you...because I'm still holding on to what I said that day, that in some place, some time, we might find someone for us, and I'm hoping that I'm still the one for you...that you're still my missing piece."

I stood up and faced the door.

"I get that you might be mad at me but please, give me a chance."

I waited for her answer but I didn't get any.

"I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me." I said. "If I have to wait for years again to have you back, I will."

Chanel's POV

I'm battling with my mind and heart as I'm listening to him but I cannot stop myself from crying.

I stood up and slowly opened the door. When I saw him, he looks worn out and his eyes are pleading.

"How sure are you that it's not gonna happen again?" I asked.

He looked up at me. He opened his mouth but closed it afterwards, it's like he's struggling.

"There's no certainty...right?" my voice cracked while I'm speaking. Funny it is, he's my strength and weakness at the same time. "Maybe what happened between us, it scarred me for life. I became too afraid of trying again because my fear always come first. What if I screw it up? What if he realizes that I'm not needed anymore? What if he leaves me without any notice? What if he falls out of love while I'm deeply in love with him? What if he realizes that I'm not one of his priorities? What if he decides to let go when I'm still holding on?What will I do?"

I sighed.

"I get that you wanted to give me the best future that we could have, you want to give me things that I deserve but you forgot that I don't care as long as I'm with you. I'm happy with you and I won't ask for more, kahit matulog tayo sa lapag, kahit hindi tayo kumain sa mamahaling kainan, kahit ano, tatanggapin ko basta ikaw ang kasama ko. Pero nakalimutan mo yon, John. Nakalimutan mong mahal kita."

My hands are shaking as I struggle to let out all my thoughts all these years. Those thoughts that has been a burden to me since the day we broke up.

"I badly wanna help you John...I want to lift you up because I know what you deserve, pero habang hinihila kita pataas, bumibitaw ka na. Ang hirap John...kasi sa pagbitaw mo, nahulog rin ako. Ang hirap bumangon muli."

I wiped my tears as my sight are starting to get blurry.

"How can I help someone if he, himself, cannot do a thing?" I asked. "Hindi ko na kayang isalba ang relasyon natin kung muli 'yong mangyayari John...hindi ko na kaya. Ang bigat sa pakiramdam kong pagmasdan kang maglakad papalayo sa akin. That scene keeps on replaying in my mind that no matter how much I want to forget it, my mind can't. Sobra kitang minahal kaya kahit ayoko pang bumitaw, ako na ang nagpaubaya. Alam kong nahihirapan ka na eh...alam kong di mo na kaya."

Tila walang katapusan ang pagbagsak ng mga luha ko mula sa'king mga mata. Ayokong makita ni John ako sa gantong kalagayan pero hindi ko na mapigilan ang sarili ko.

"It's for the best...that's what I thought. But I can't be at my best after what happened."

I took a deep breath and sighed.

"Pero lumipas ang mga taon, nasanay na akong wala ka. Kaya ngayong bumalik ka na, hindi ko na alam, John. Mahal kita pero sa tingin ko tama na."

Lumapit sya sakin at sinubukang hawakan ang kamay ko but I took a step back.

"Avery...please, let's give us a chance. Sa loob ng mga taon na yon, I realized all my mistakes. Andito ako para itama ang mga pagkakamali ko. I...I can't afford to lose you again." he cried.

"I'm sorry...but looking at you reminds me of the pain I went through. I think it's better if we part our ways now. That way, we could be at ease." he shakes his head and looked at me directly in the eyes.

"I will never be at ease without you." he said. "Para akong pinapatay araw araw noong nawala ka sakin. I can't live like that anymore, Avery."

"There's no use if we'll get back together. I'm going to States to continue my studies. We'll still be apart."

"I don't give a damn about the distance. If I have to go with you, I'll go. No matter how far it is, I'll go with you just please...give me a chance."

"Kapag sumama ka sakin, lahat ng pinaghirapan mo dito, mawawala. The reputation that you built will be nothing when you went to States and I won't let that happen."

"I don't care anymore, what matters is that I'm with you."

I shake my head and held his hand lightly.

"Don't make decisions that you will regret. I don't want to be the reason of you regrets John."

A tear fell from his eye while he looks at me, dumbfounded.

"Are you sure you don't want to give us a second chance?" he softly asked.

I looked away and nodded.

"Then I want to hear you say it...then I'll leave."

I bit my lip and looked down. 

"I don't want to give us a second chance anymore." I said.

He nodded and silence filled us. He then gave me a pat on my shoulders before saying a word.

"If that's what you really want, then, I'll respect it." he said. "I'll leave for now."

When he's completely out of my sight, I hold onto the door to gather my strength.

I just hope I made the right decision.