Ruby Red Tears

Chapter 3,"I might be falling..."

Bella and I sat on a rock on a hidden shore of the great lake. Slowly it was getting colder but it wasn't a rainy day. The air was clear and our breath left white clouds in it. It was a Sunday in December so most of the other students sat in front of their fireplaces in the Castle. The Christmas holidays were about to start soon and while I'd stay at Hogwarts Bellatrix had to visit her family and was getting quieter, avoiding that part of the conversation. "What's your favourite colour Bella?" I asked-even though we talked a lot I never asked her that. She opened her heavy eyelids, looked up and right into my green eyes. Hers had the colour of black coffee a dark brown like dark chocolate or wet earth and every time I looked into them I felt naked as if her eyes would look deep into mine, deep into me.

"Green „she answered."Slytherin green?" I laughed, "No", she still looked me straight in the eyes, "green like the forbidden forest, green like algae in the lake, green like the grass-green like your eyes." I wanted to look away but I simply couldn't as if we were under a spell we just sat there looking into each other's eyes, remaining silent. The huge clock of Hogwarts rang the bell, which meaned it was time for supper. We got up, I brushed the moss of my cape and Bella started walking with probably one of this year's last green leaves caught in her hair. I ran after her quickly and couldn't overcome the drive to free the leaf. I picked it out of her hair quickly and as I did a string of her curls touched the back of my hand and even after I removed my hand it still felt warm. As we had to go separate ways so that no one would see us Bellatrix stopped me. "You know my parents wouldn't approve of this friendship „she said calmly stepped forward and lightly stroked my cheek. Before I could answer she already ran towards the burg. Her robe fluttering in the wind. Steady step I went my path, suddenly I was shaking a bit but I wasn't freezing.

Sitting at the Gryffindor table I couldn't help but smile seeing the faces of everyone and Bella's dark shock of her at the Slytherin table. "How was your day?" my good friend Lily Evans asked, "I didn't see you besides for breakfast." "I wanted to think about some stuff, and to calm down „I answered still smiling "Well it seems like it worked "she mocked me "you definitely seem__calm". "Oh shut up Lily" I shook my head and took a sip of my drink-not without checking if James Potter or Sirius Black were anywhere near it. Since they once put Veritaserum in my drink in year 3 I can't trust them not to do it again. I mean it wasn't that horrible because I didn't have that may secrets at that time, as I might have now? But everyone knew my biggest secret of that time which was my terrible fear of bugs, which obviously led to having them on my plate the next day.

That evening at the Gryffindor common room I wasn't tired at all so I sat at the fire next to Lily, who read and wrote something into my journal:

I think you're my crush

Awake looking at you

Asleep dreaming of you

I don't love you- but I can't stop thinking of you.

I'm not in love- but I see your face everywhere.

I'm not falling for you- but I lost the ground long ago.

"Ooooh Ffur" a voice behind my ear said, and the person reached out to my journal. "We're writing love poems aren't we?" James Potter asked raising his eyebrows. "First of all Potter, I can't see you writing anything, I wonder if your even able to" I reached out "ououuuhh Prongs the little Ms. Violette is a fighter-take care haha" Sirius added, Remus Lupin just sat there reading a book and the little Peter almost clapped his hands admiring his friends. "And secondly-what I'm writing is none of your business" I finished my sentence. "Oh come on Ffur, lead me read your beautiful, romantic poem- did I read something about 'oh I'm dreaming of you my love oh but I can't ouuu'?" he turned at his friend waiting for admiration "Oh shut it Potter! „Lily said something and to my surprise he only formed another heart with his hands and then left.

I mean he wasn't awfully wrong about the poem thing. I always wrote stuff to deal with my thought and so on. But it for sure wasn't a love poem I mean didn't you have to be in love to write such a thing? And I clearly wasn't, wasn't I? It felt weird, reading through what I myself had written sounded like a love poem to me but it couldn't be. All of the guys I knew were either childish honks like Sirius Black or James Potter, nerds such as Bruce Jones or Remus Lupin or insanely ugly and boring cowards such as Peter Pettigrew. I never liked anyone that way the way other girls talked about boys and butterflies. But why would I even mention the word love without knowing it.

I woke up in the middle of the night after having a weird dream of Professor Dumbledore giving a speech about love, Bella running through the lake as if it was a meadow and James Potter wiggling his eyebrows. I couldn't fall asleep so I continued the thing I was writing:

I'm happy without you- but you make my heart jump of laughter.

I don't imagine us together- but I picture the two of us in several situations.

I'm not lying by saying "I'm not falling in love „_because I hit the ground long ago.

Awake dreaming of you

Asleep looking at you