Wonder

Jealous

I was mad, again. I had at least partially sorted out the mix of thoughts swirling around in my head, but now there was a new one...Jealousy. It's not that I was possessive of things, but I was awkwardly possessive of one thing, one person. We went on a walk this morning, just to chat before class and a pretty blonde girl had smiled, and I dare say, winked in Tobin's direction. When I asked about her all Tobin said was that she'd talk to me later about it, then dipped off into her lecture.

I was meant to be learning right now, yet I was just staring at my blank laptop screen, completely absorbed in my own thoughts. It's not like we were together, but we had agreed to exclusivity, whatever that meant apparently. We were friends at the least and sleeping together at the most. I don't know, it's probably not even any of my business. Tobin didn't smile back, didn't wave, I think she may have nodded in her direction, but that could mean anything. There was no point dwelling on it.

The lecture seemed to just drag on and on, it was almost over but I feel like I've been here all morning. My phone buzzed softly in my pocket, I wanted to check it, but I didn't want to be rude to the lecturer. I looked up from my desk to find the lecturer, the middle aged, balding man was currently pacing on the other side of the room, pointing his laser pointer at the powerpoint show. His old woollen overcoat hung sadly from his shoulders, his posture wasn't very good, I suppose that happens with this kind of job. Noticing that he was distracted I pulled the device from my pocket and checked the message.

"Tobs to Christen: Meet me at 12 in the basketball courts"

"Christen to Tobs: Y?"

"Tobs to Christen: Please just come?"

"Christen to Tobs: Okay"

This was undoubtedly to talk about this morning's question, but I wonder why she picked the basketball courts? Basketball season hadn't even started. Oh well, half an hour would decide if I would continue to be jealous or not. I looked at my watch again, time hadn't moved forward shockingly, I started to bounce my leg under the table until I got a side eye from my classmate opposite me. Whatever, he's just as annoying with his excessive gum chewing.

Time ticked on, I could have sworn the clock was getting louder with each passing minute, it ended up drowning out all the other noise. Apparently, I was the only one who seemed to notice this extreme change in noise, maybe I was just zoning out. Ten minutes left. Tick tock. I closed my eyes for a few minutes so I would stop obsessing over the time, except when I opened them, I still had nine minutes left to go...

Finally the clock ticked over to twelve and the class began to file out, I got stuck behind a few slow walkers but managed to go around them after a few meters. I skipped in between people up the hallways until I reached the entrance to the hall, I shuffled in and pushed open the heavy doors, the hall appeared empty. I walked down the stairway and onto the polished wooden floor, my shoes squeaked awkwardly once they hit the wood.

I turned in a circle, looking for my favourite but elusive person. Maybe her class ran late? Oh well, things happen. I walked up across court and into the far top corner of the tiered seating so that if she walked in the doorway, I would see her. 12:25. Where is she? Was she with that girl from this morning again? Of course not, don't be silly. I shuffled around in my seat, my brain went through a few scenarios until it settled on the memory of the last time Tobin and I had been intimate, all that bare skin.

Finally. The doors swung open and there she stood, that glorious beautiful woman. She was scanning the court as I scanned her. She was wearing a dark sports sweatshirt, it was just a little too big for her and hung down past the waistband of her ripped jean shorts. She looked like such a lesbian, shocking I know, but in contrast to me we were completely different. Not that I had labelled myself, but when I envisioned a woman that slept with other women, I didn't fit in. I had changed that mindset over the past few weeks though, I felt a little bad about being so closed minded but at the same time I think I made that assumption to automatically rule myself out of the equation.