Wonder

Feeling

*Christen's POV*

I wanted to desperately ask Tobin about what she'd said the other day, but part of me didn't want the answer to be what I thought it was. If she confessed that she did actually say love, then I'd be standing there all awkward and silent. But even if she did say it, I wonder if she meant it...was it just a slip of her tongue, a reaction rather than a feeling? 

That didn't matter so much right now, I had an assignment to finish and if I was truthful I was struggling with it. I hadn't necessarily skipped any class, but I hadn't exactly been paying a whole lot of attention either. I felt a little trapped in my thoughts at time, a little doubtful of myself...

I wonder sometimes if Tobin really did like me, or was she toying with me because she knew I was straight, well...was straight. See I know if it was the latter she wouldn't have been so upset that I wasn't being so affectionate, but sometimes the thoughts just creep in. 

In a weird way, I liked that Tobin was upset with me last week, well not that she was upset but her reasoning behind it. I had this insecurity locked away behind everything else, there was a time when an ex partner got mad at me because I hadn't kissed him the first time we met. He said he had driven over an hour and he deserved it, I wasn't mad at the time because I had feelings for him...but seeing Tobin do the opposite was somewhat reassuring. 

Was there something I was missing though? Why did she take such an interest in me when all I did was push her away? Was there something that she was chasing that I was giving? I guess there was always the possibility that she genuinely had feelings for me too.

The more time with her the more I feel myself genuinely having more and more feelings, I don't see her and think about sleeping with her anymore. Well...I do, but I find myself thinking about cuddling under the stars, and kissing softly over a dinner. I don't know anymore, I just know I feel something. 

When she left my bed this morning for class I swear I actually felt my heart sink, and then when I looked at the empty side of the bed I immediately missed her. I used to see her get up in the morning, more often than not naked, and all I could think about was making her cum. But now I see her getting dressed for class, and the urge is more to make her breakfast than to be her breakfast. Though either scenario was still okay with me.

She was due back at any moment, not that I had been counting. Or stalking for that matter. Sometimes I liked to look at her social media, she didn't post much, nowhere near as much as I did, but that's okay. I was careful not to like anything, unlike her a few weeks ago, liking a months old selfie. I couldn't help but laugh at her when she did, such a rookie mistake. 

I heard the lock to my room begin to clink as it unlocked, then as quietly as she left, Tobin appeared in the room, apparently having finished her morning lecture and returning with a mountain of paperwork. "What's all that?" I asked as she sat on the couch, leaning forward over her lap with her mound of paper. 

"Study," She replied tiredly, placing some of the loose papers on the spare seat beside her as I watched curiously from the bed. She looked a little more lively as she began to relax a little more, "What's happening in your world this morning?" She asked, looking back toward me for a moment.

"I want to be mad at you," I sighed while giving Tobin my best pout, she told me it made her stomach flutter when I did. 

"Why? What did I do?" She answered, slinking back into the couch. 

I relaxed a little on the bed while I thought of my answer, "Nothing, I just have work to do and I can't stop thinking about you," I replied, rolling my shoulders until I was comfortable.