Wonder

Curiosity

Kelley had managed to calm me down, I was panicking, my whole life had been changed by one person. I'm confused. Simply, I don't know. I've missed two days worth of lectures because I've locked myself in my room, I'd been raised straight, I'd grown up straight, I'd had straight relationships my whole life. Twenty two years of the same thing and all of a sudden it's all been changed. Well it hasn't changed, I'm still straight, I've just experimented a little. Everyone in college does, right?

It doesn't matter. I had yet to answer Tobin's text message, why should I? Well I should, I just don't know how. Today was the day I'd go to class, I'd dress up nice, nothing has changed, I'll saunter to the lecture hall and I'll pretend nothing has happened. I'm good at that anyway.

I shuffled to my bedside drawers and picked my best outfit, a nice tight black top, black leather jacket and some nice matching jeans. Intimidating slightly, but not over the top. Walking to the bathroom I snagged my towel off of the edge of the bench where it had been drying. I ran the water in the shower and placed all my belongings beside the sink, slipping off my trackies and singlet. I looked at myself in the mirror quickly before stripping the rest of my clothing off, testing the water for temperature before jumping in, I only had to adjust it a little.

The warm water washed over my cold skin, I scrubbed my body from top to bottom, when I got to my hips I remembered how Tobin held me, her hands were so soft, so gentle. I began to think about her again, her figure burnt into my eyes like the remnants of fire left in the ground. I had to run the water cold so I could stop thinking about her. I slid down the tiles until I was sitting on the floor, lifting my hands to cover my face, I felt a few tears fall and mingle with the water.

My five minute timer sounded, reminding me to hop out before I wasted too much water. I walked to the bench, placed my hands on it and sighed, I started to towel off noticing how sensitive some of my skin was, mostly where Tobin had been touching.

I had wished it was all a bad dream, but it wasn't. This beautiful girl was stuck in the middle of my confused drama, she must think I'm a basket case. I don't know, I'm lonely, maybe I kissed her because I was unhappy and wanted someone. I just need to let it go.

"Christen to Tobin: Sorry for taking so long. Don't want 2 talk abt it, lets just be friends please."

I pulled my clothes on, running back into the bedroom to grab my laptop and student ID. I was going to be late again, but at least I was going. I was out of breath before I even reached the classroom, fortunately the lecturer was late too. I took a seat by myself at the back of the room and set up my laptop. Youtube was open still from a few nights ago, the search bar showed "Girls Kissing" I shut it down quickly before anyone saw it, I don't even remember searching it, I feel like a confused child.

The lecturer walked in quickly, apologising with something like "Mondays..." before setting up his equipment and slideshow. The lesson went quick, I was doing a sports science degree, this particular class was human biochemistry, which was utterly confusing but I was passing easily enough so it was just another hurdle on the way to a degree.

I noticed a familiar face in the hallway as I exited the lecture, "Hey Chris!" the voice called, I panicked, I hadn't been expecting to see her at all today, or really this week. I turned towards the nearest exit and fast walked away, I ended up outside in the cold, little snowflakes were fluttering toward the ground, a few landed on my shoulders but disappeared with the aid of my body heat rather quickly. I ducked behind a tree and found a partially covered tree, shoving the snow off of the side I sat down, out of sight, out of mind.

I heard someone's footsteps crunch in the snow behind me, turning around I discovered the figure of Tobin, standing with a puzzled look on her face. "Did you just run away from me?" she laughed "I'm gay, not the bogeyman," she finished.