The Formidable

4

The red wine was lukewarm, opened an hour ago to breathe. Madison stared into space as she raised the glass to her lips, letting it hover for just a second before taking a sip. She rolled the velvet Malbec over her tongue, feeling the full body of the ten-pound wine and wishing she'd spent an extra five for the better quality bottle. Mia hadn't long gone to bed and she finally had time to sit and mull over the day. Specifically, seeing Jase.

It was a feeling embedded deep within her like she knew she was going to see him. Of course, inevitably, she'd bump into him at some point, coming back to London, to his side of the river. Subconsciously, she'd been willing it to happen but she wouldn't admit that. Not to anyone else at least. She'd left it to chance, let the universe decide what happened.

The idea of seeing Jase both scared and shamelessly excited her. Another thing she would never say out loud was that her life since Mia, whilst mostly peaceful, hadn't elicited the rush she had experienced when stood at Jase's side back at the house. And just when she had grown accustomed to the dull routine she had slipped into, everything came crashing down again, inflicting sizeable ruptures in her peace. There was a good reason she was back in London, intentionally close to the area she'd escaped from over three years ago. Keep your enemies close and all that.

Memories of the house seemed so far away, a distant dream or a figment of her imagination but Jase had remained almost exactly the same. Almost. He was broader and less gaunt, his skin retained that golden echo of a summer tan and his jawline was just as sharp covered in a neat shadow of stubble. Whilst Madison had always found him attractive and he'd always been in good shape, nowadays it was as though his body was chiselled by an artist with great precision and care from the finest marble.

She took another mouthful of wine, walking from the kitchenette into the living room and sitting on the cream sofa. She'd known it was a bold choice with a toddler around but Mia had yet to leave any marks. The apartment still had the new carpet smell to it, tinged with the lemon pledge wiped across every possible surface. After three months back in the city, Mia had yet to stain anything at all. Madison was careful to keep pens away from her and make sure whenever she ate, she was in a high chair and all surrounding surfaces were wipeable or washable. It was a nice two-bedroom apartment in an okay part of South London, not quite the suburbs but crime was relatively low in comparison to other parts and it was cheap too, mostly due to the fact that it was above a kebab shop, but for Mia and Madison it was perfect. Though, the early hours of Saturday mornings could get a little loud from the youngsters that gathered beneath her window as they ate their greasy food. It was a small price to pay, to pay a small price.

She wondered if Jase had told anyone about seeing her. Highly unlikely, she wasn't exactly sure what the story was after she left because she hadn't looked back. It was rare she even told people her name, in case it sparked recognition in anyone and put her back on the radar, more so than she already was. The lights on the baby monitor flashed and her attention quickly snapped to the screen, the paranoia never quite having settled. Mia rolled over and murmured slightly. It took another two glasses for Madison to feel sleepy and her brain to somewhat shut down before she could finally drift off.

Jase laid in his bed less than ten miles away, staring up at the dark ceiling of his bedroom. There were no sounds to be heard anywhere. He checked the clock for the sixth time, seeing only fifteen minutes had passed and sighed, getting out of bed. The bright light from the new bulb in the kitchen blinded him and he squinted as he pulled open the drawer next to his fridge, moving a screwdriver, a pile of takeaway leaflets and various other items until he located the Xanax pills. He felt the bars in his fingers, brushing over them repeatedly, contemplating dropping a quarter. Just to help him sleep. Just to take the edge off.

After exerting more will power than he was willing to admit, he dropped them in the bin and pulled on a pair of joggers and t-shirt, heading over to Sam and Janine's. The whole drive over, he toyed with the idea of telling Sam about seeing Madison. He didn't want to alert anyone about her being back in the city if he didn't need to but he knew it could stir a lot of old drama back up if they were unprepared. Madison wouldn't have returned for no reason. Then, she had a child, he didn't want to bring trouble to her doorstep if he had only seen her by chance and was unlikely to see her ever again. This thought made his heart sink. Even after all this time, part of him still pined for her existence in his life. By the time he reached the front doorstep and Sam answered, he had decided against it, telling himself he was overanalysing the situation and there was no need to open old wounds, both his own and everyone who was caught in the crossfire and scathed by the Madison ordeal in its entirety.

"Jase?" Sam yawned, stepping aside, "what's up?"

"I couldn't sleep," Jase replied as if this was explanation enough to turn up at half one in the morning. Sam, still confused, closed the front door and followed him into the living room. The house had been completely renovated. Two navy leather sofas now faced each other with a glass coffee table between them. The walls were no longer a cool blue, instead, they were light grey with one of them having striped wallpaper where the TV hung on a bracket. The big table by the back door they all used to sit at remained but it had been varnished in a dark coat of gloss. There was a homey feel to it. No one would guess people had died in the same place a grey shag rug now lay. The only room that remained the same was Jase's and he wanted to keep it that way.

"Why? What's up?" Sam asked. It was just them in the living room, Sam had been playing Xbox. Janine was elsewhere, likely asleep. Jase chewed his lip for a second, edging himself to tell Sam the truth but once again, he backed out, shaking his head.

"It's too quiet there sometimes, and it gets really loud," he said. Sam nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. When you'd seen the things they'd seen, sleep was a seldom pleasure and the silence was unbearable because it meant the head could be heard.

"Janine changed the sheets on your bed today," Sam said in a way that Jase knew it was an invite, one he was grateful for. He always tried to remember whilst this had been his home first, it was now Sam and Janine's and it was impolite to stay there of his own accord when and if he pleased. Not that they would mind, he still had his key and everything but he liked the seperation he had from the house these days.

"Why did she change the sheets?" he asked, hoping none of the girls had been using it. That was the one rule, no one else was allowed to stay in there, not for business or pleasure. Sam knew but would never voice; the bedroom was an untouched shrine to Madison. As if doing anything to disturb it would erase the memory of her. He understood, it was a conversation he and Jase had never had to have because he understood. Sam shrugged in response to Jase's question.

"She's a woman, she cleans everything all the time. She said the sheets still get dirty whether you've been in them or not." Jase shook his head but didn't question it, instead, he picked up the second Xbox controller and joined the next game.