The Formidable

28

The red numbers on the digital clock on Jase's nightstand weren't what was keeping Madison awake, she was blaming them because it was easier than the truth.

She tossed and turned in Jase's double bed as he lay asleep beside her. She'd stopped checking the time because it wasn't moving fast enough. Nothing would settle her mind. Nothing would get rid of the thoughts that she'd behaved like a lovesick fool and put Jase in danger. And for what? Because for all her denying his help, in her heart of hearts, she was so ready to leap into his arms again, to let him play the Knight in Shining Armour. She'd accepted his help and put it down to fate. As if fate had anything to do with it.

The last time Madison had a complete breakdown was when Mia was six months old and wouldn't settle. Madison had been awake for 27 hours, her eyes stung, her body ached and her head pounded with the migraine from hell. Mia wouldn't stop crying so Madison started crying too. Collapsing on the floor of Mia's nursery and heaving as she gasped for air. How she'd wished Jase was there to hold them both and make everything disappear. To make her feel safe the way he had in the house. But she knew, at least at that point, they could never see each other again. And he couldn't know about Mia. And every time the thought sprang to mind, she broke all over again, bursting at the seams with heartache and despair.

It wasn't the alarm that woke Jase, or the sniffling and short breaths. It was the soft hiccups that followed the short breaths. Madison was curled up beside him, trying to conceal her sobbing. He sighed, barely using his strength to roll her over and face him. She wiped at her eyes, letting him brush the hair from her face.

"Why are you crying?" he asked, still half asleep.

"Jase, I'm so sorry," she whimpered. He squeezed his eyes a few times before sitting up and switching the lamp on, washing the room in a golden yellow. It was four in the morning. Madison looked like she'd been crying for a while.

"Why? What have you done?" He tensed, worried about what she was about to reveal, the voices in the back of his head were already berating him for thinking he could trust her.

"I shouldn't have let you get involved. You didn't need all of this," she said, her words trembling out. Jase rolled his eyes and smiled softly, laying back down.

"Come here." She rested her head on his chest and Jase lifted her top, tracing the smooth skin on her back with his fingers. "Why are you blaming yourself?" he asked. "Caspar knew what he was doing by having you taken to the house. It wasn't like you hunted me down."

"I should have said no to your help. I should have left," she whimpered and Jase chuckled.

"And you think that would have stopped me? Babe, Caspar knows about us. That much is obvious. He knew I'd help, whether you wanted me to or not. It's not your fault, okay?"

She coughed out a small laugh. This is what she had longed for for three and a half years, for someone to hold her whilst she cried instead of being the holder of criers. The feeling of safety opened the floodgates and tears started flowing uncontrollably.

She rolled onto her back, looking up at the ceiling and attempted to dry her eyes. "I missed you so much," she whispered.

They turned to each other. His eyes flickered to her swollen lips and her heart sped up. The pull he had over her was magnetic. In an instant, their lips were pressed together, hungrily taking what they had been missing for over three years unapologetically.

He tasted exactly the same.

The brandy and cigarettes vaguely present but mostly it was just Jase. His hand slipped under the white t-shirt she was wearing, grazing her ribs before rolling her on top of him, not breaking away from the kiss. He never knew when he was doing something for the last time so he wasn't about to rush.

He was gentle with each caress, the way he had been their first time. He squeezed the top of her legs in the crease between her hips and thigh, tracing the cotton of her underwear. His heart thumped against his chest like a teenager finally making out with his crush. Madison rested her elbows either side of his head as she pulled away from him. The telling signs that she'd been crying not moments ago were gone, leaving her in all her natural beauty. Jase licked his lips, already pining for her to return to them. She sat up, pulling the thin material over her head and tossing the t-shirt to the floor.

Jase marvelled as though he'd never seen a naked woman before and Madison blushed, suddenly shy and vulnerable in front of someone that had seen every inch of her body. He dragged his fingertips up the sides of her hips, settling his hands in the middle of her waist where it cinched inwards at what he could only describe as the perfect curve. Thin silver lines embellished her skin where she'd carried Mia. His daughter. And suddenly he felt sick at the idea of ever losing either of them.

"I love you," he whispered. The heat in Madison's cheeks rose, spreading through her body, straight to her core.

"I love you too," she whispered in reply, letting him sit up to roll her under him.

"And i'm never going to let anything happen to you." Madison's legs wrapped around him naturally. "Or Mia." She tilted her neck as his lips pressed softly against the smooth flesh, warm with blood. Her perfume completely overshadowed the earlier odour of burnt flesh the shower had failed to rid him of.

Jase lost his mind, barely collecting himself enough to ensure Madison was on birth control. He grinned when she guiltily admitted she had gone on it the day after he'd given her a lift home from work.

The rest of the night was a blur of breathy moans, strong demands and desperate pleas. Madison awoke something animalistic in Jase, a need for him to have her in every way possible and Madison finally felt free when she let him.

The total control he had of the situation was something she'd craved. Having someone to hand the reigns to and being able to let go and remain safe was something she didn't realise she needed so much until Jase was back in her life.

And Jase didn't realise how turned on he would get from knowing Madison was solely his and no one else had even had a look in. He'd been her first everything and she'd carried part of him for nine months. There was no man that could take that away from him or say the same. He felt an intense sense of possessiveness over the woman coming undone beneath him.

*

Sweating and breathless, Madison flopped to Jase's side, sliding off of him and tipping her head back. A liquid relief flushed through her. She turned, looking up at Jase who now looked back at her. Both their mouths split into grins, Madison giggling.

"I didn't know you were such a little freak," Jase said.

"Nor did I," Madison replied.