Hope - Jasper Hale

Hope - Chapter 6

-6-

We got back from Florida a week ago - I had spent most of the trip inside with Edward - I hadn’t spoken much to Bella or Edward. I was afraid, Bella suspected that I had been keep secrets from her. I think she is noticing that fact that I am not eating or sleeping and after the talk I had with Edward, I was almost embarrassed to have a ‘normal’ conversation with him. 

I was lying on my cot, Bella had just woken up, I was trying to pretend to sleep not to trouble her. I wasn’t facing her, I was just staring at the wall. 

“I know you are awake,” She says. 

I look at her, “What?”

“I’ve been talking to Edward... about you,” She blushes as if she is guilty, but I know where this conversation is going. She is worried for me. 

“About me?” I ask innocently. 

“He really wants you to talk to Carlisle,” She says sitting next to me placing a hand on my shoulder. “GOSH!” 

I look at her in alarm, “What?” 

“You are getting sick! I knew it!”

“What?” 

“You are freezing, Violet! That is it, Edward is driving you to the hospital to see Carlisle.” 

“No, Bella,” I say. “None of those doctors can explain this. I learned that when I woke up after the accident.” 

“You can’t convince Edward-”

“I can walk to school,” I say putting on a hoodie and sneakers. I got fully dressed an hour ago, maybe it was a perk of not being able to sleep - being able to accomplish a lot.

“Violet,” Bella pleads as I walk out of the bedroom door. 

“Bella, I admire you for worrying, but it is my life. I’ve chosen to die, do you want me to live an unhappy life?” I ask. 

She doesn’t respond and I take this as my chance to walk down the stairs, grab my backpack and begin my journey to the school. 

Did I just lie? Am I ready to die? I can just feel it is coming soon. Bella said my skin was freezing! It is soon. I try to mentally prepare myself for the moment my life flashes before my eyes, but I honestly have no idea when that moment will be - it could even be right now. 

Bella and Edward don’t understand that. I want to spend the rest of my life normally, not in a hospital hooked up to wires. It isn’t a happy life or what I’m used to. If I am dying, I want to do it by living. 

I had no real ties. My parents were dead. I couldn’t remember Renee and Phil, I didn’t see much of Charlie, I didn’t have a boyfriend, and my only friends were Bella and her boyfriend’s family. I didn’t have hundreds of people who would miss or notice me after my death. I was fine with that. I didn’t want people who I barely knew gathered in a field full of dead people - dead people including myself. My cause of death wouldn’t be a worthy one, there shouldn’t be people crying about my demise. 

I have laugh to myself at the thought of how ridiculous this is. I am an eighteen-year-old and a Senior in high school who is thinking about my death. Thinking about how people will move on. 

Did I have any regrets? None that I could remember. Maybe the one thing I wish I could know before I die was my past - no matter how bad or great it was. 

Especially my accident. During the sleepless nights, I think about my ‘accident’ a lot. The doctors told me, it was a crash, but I don’t believe that. Honestly, I don’t know what to believe. Maybe I should go over what I actually do know. 

I know my first name is Violet... okay, I don’t actually know that, but I think it is my name. I have dirty blonde hair and violet eyes with fair skin and an occasional freckle spotting my nose and cheeks. I lost my memory in an accident and ever since I have been getting closer to death. 

I am in front of the school, I see Bella and Edward, but Alice is nowhere in sight. Out of nowhere, I hear, “Wait up, Violet, let’s walk to class together!”

I turn around to see the tiny pixie, Alice, “Bella said you ditched us today.”

“She wasn’t listening to me,” I shrug. 

“She is just worried about you,” She defends. 

I sigh, “I know that, but I don’t want anyone to worry about me.” 

“I worry about you,” Her golden orbs are like puppy dog eyes - it’s like a puppy begging for treats.

“You don’t need to.” 

“Our whole family worries about you.”

“I know you will try to talk me into seeing Carlisle, so unless I am helpless, I won’t see him. I can not burden him with my petty life problems,” I explain. 

“Is it worth it?” Alice asks. 

I nod. 

She sighs, “Sometimes it worries me that you are worse than Bella.. so focused on what other people think.”