Transformation: Blooming Forever More

Mini Piece 7 - Inner World

I often don't let people into my inner world. Because it's dangerous. But it's also my safe place, a place I can retreat to whenever I wish.

Somewhere I know that I'm completely safe to be myself, to have my ideas, thoughts, dreams, desires and feelings, without judgement, without interference, without someone else placing their own beliefs into my head space. That's why I could never let my family into it - because they already impacted my mind too negatively, I couldn't allow them to do any more damage than they had already done. Of course, they'll never know how damaged they left me, but I'm not going to dwell on it anymore. My life is my own now.

However, this damage has made me wary. Wary of people who want to know what's going on in my head, who may just have my best intentions at heart. But I fear giving access to my world to somebody else - so many classmates, friends, family members, sometimes even strangers seem to feel the need to have an opinion on what they believe to go on in my brain, what they believe my quirks mean, what they believe about me. When did I give them permission to analyse me? Never. Stop treating me like an archaeological exhibit and leave me to live how I want to. I didn't ask for your opinion, so fuck off.

Yes, I am a creative - a singer-songwriter, producer, actor, writer, poet, artist, YouTuber, dancer, among many other things - and that may result in me being in the public eye. That does not mean that anybody has the right to dictate to me how I should live my life, nor does it mean that they think they have the right to an opinion on a topic that they know nothing about. I will tell you what I want to, and only take what I say in the media as truth, because I'm very unlikely to lie to you, even in the media spotlight. I will tell you exactly how it is, but only if I am comfortable, or if I want to. That's my decision, not yours.

If I have to, I will keep the walls to my world guarded heavily. If that's what I need to do to cope, I will do it. I don't want to be alone, but I'd rather be alone, knowing that I love myself and that to an extent, the people in my social circle love me, than be dependent on the opinions of the sheep, and worry about when the love of my life will finally show up. I don't expect them to. Either I'll waltz my way into them, or I won't see them at all. Either way is fine for me, as long as I live a fulfilling life, and I enjoy most of it. I'm going to try to live as my authentic self as much as possible, building myself as a person without a blood family, to enjoy life's pleasures and the plenty I have on my own before even considering giving my heart and soul to a situationship. I'm honestly happy with just me, in the end. So never, ever ask me if you can see into my inner world. Because it's mine.