Brandons book of rants

Rant 5

I hate this feeling being totally hopeless and totally helpless.... I know who I am and I know that nobody really cares about what I think half the time. Whenever I try to help all I seem to do is mess things up and I just can't keep doing it I can't live this way feeling like whenever I talk about my problems I make everyone elses worse and I just refuse to talk about it to anyone I can't let people know tha tI feel this way because every night while I'm going to sleep I spend hours thinking about what my note would say and I think honestly that I'm pretty close to finishing the whole thing in my head. I guess I just can't let myself live forever like I make it seem. I can't let myself not be okay because everyone expdcts me to be completely okay with everything and I refuse to not live up to everyone elses expectations so I'm gonna continue to be okay because that's what is expected of me because that's how I am I always find a way to make sure I seem okay at the very least. Even if I'm not okay at all I have to make everyone believe I am which is why I'm doubting if I'll post this rant at all honestly cause this is written proof that I'm not okay..... Either way I love all of you because everybody is amazing in their own special ways <3 but most of al I love my girlfriend Ashley Ann Lammey who is writing this amazing PTV fanfiction. Also my extended family all my brothers Nick, Austin, Andrew, Shawn, Alex, and anyone else I call my brother. I love my mentors Wynd and Derek and Trevor and Jamie, Wynds' mother. These people were there to be my family when there was nobody else and I know that if they could right now they would be there for me. I'm glasd that they are in my life and that they will continue to be in my life. I love all of you people and Ashley someday I will let you steal my last name :) because honestly I couldn't imagine anyone else having it.