Curiosity Kills the Cat (An IDFB Fanfic)

Chapter 7

Trigger Warning: Mentions Throwing Up 

Chapter 7
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Overwhelming

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Coiny's P.O.V.

The mellow sounds of the rain hitting the roof was mildly annoying. With it being 1 in the morning and not being able to fall asleep, the extra sound was just irritating. But it was definitely better than the eerie silence of the empty city. Spread out on the bed, I stared up at the ceiling. Again. It had become a routine now. My head constantly replaying memories of Goiky when I couldn't catch any shut-eye. 

Always the same things. 

Remembering and living those memories again and again. How I wished to live in those memories. To be somewhere familiar. Something I been so accustomed to. How I had it. It was all painstakingly agonizing; I wanted to go back. 

But every time, when reminiscing, my head would replay memories of her. Constantly replaying memories of Leafy. The once green haired girl helping me and helping the team win the competition. A smile would crease on my face when looking back to those moments. But it would immediately be torn apart when everything else came rushing back. The chasing and the death penalty came in like a tidal wave. I felt a pinch behind my neck as my mood slowly deflated. Nausea slowly brewing in my stomach as the memories kept playing.

Why was it a bother? Why did I even care for her? Was it just guilt? Did I just feel guilty and want to clean it off? 

I wanted to wrap my head around it but I never could. I pushed myself up, sitting on the bed, my arms holding me up. My head had begun to hurt. It always did when I thought of her. It was only her. With Pin, everything seemed so blissful. So heartwarming. So sweet. There wasn't any issue. I was always so happy with her. So why was my head stuck with Leafy?

I nodded to my own thoughts, silently agreeing with what ran through my mind. The thoughts that slowly and dreadfully consumed me. Tearing me limb by limb as I tried to find answers by myself. 

It was guilt. 

Right? 

I just wanted to make myself feel better. But why? I hadn't experienced any of this back in Goiky. So why? Why now?

I shuffled my way to the edge of the bed, sitting down with my legs swinging ever so slightly over the floorboards. I felt my stomach ache at the sudden movement. One could only ponder. The pain of the pinch grew. I knew what it was. It was a migraine and it was rapidly kicking in. Thinking of her was physically sickening.

I stood up and made my way to the bathroom, leaning my head against the wall as I felt the hallways closing in. I was readying myself. It was the calm before the storm. I didn't even flick on the lights as I stumbled through the door and impulsively ran to the toilet. I leaned over it before I felt it. 

The nausea that had been looming in my stomach stopped as it made its way up. Just slightly opening my mouth let out a sea of acidic smell. I held the tuffs of my hair back, trying to avoid getting them filthy. My breath had quickened before the urge came again, kicking in as I spewed out the little I had eaten. I sat there. Waiting if my stomach would need to regurgitate anything else for a third time. Seconds slowly ticked away before turning into minutes. 

I stood up, quietly realizing that it wouldn't happen again. I flicked on the bathroom lights before I took a couple of steps and turned on the bathroom sink. The water gushing through the mouth of the faucet. I cupped my hands together, filling up in seconds before throwing it to my face. The cold water brought me back to my senses as I began rinsing my mouth. Spiting it out, I reached out for the towel, drying my face up. I unconsciously turned to the mirror the moment I was done. I was starting back at me. Bags in my eyes slowly forming from the countless nights with little to no sleep since we had arrived. My bangs of hair now damp from the sudden hit of water it had soaked in.

A croaky sigh fell from my mouth as I quickly darted my eyesight towards the tiled floor. I felt tears prick the corners of my eyes, dropping the towel to the ground. The urge to cry came crashing to me. Was it the sudden realization that I wasn't as happy as I once was? Or was it the fact that I had even thought that Leafy would forgive me? I couldn't pinpoint why but I had the urge.

And I did. Falling to my knees right then and there, a cry left my mouth. The muffled sobs barely escaping my lips and my hands as I broke down. The flood of feelings overwhelming me. 

Would it be selfish to say I wanted to go back to Goiky? Even if it meant an old friend would be exiled? If it meant everyone would want her dead? If it meant that I could stay as delighted as I wanted in exchange for someone else's misery? To see their once bes friend punished for just talking to her months prior to the events?

A hiccup escaped from my throat as I tried pulling myself together. The streaks of tears stained onto my face, slowly dripping down my chin. I smeared the trails with my palm. My breath quickened as I gasped for air. I felt glued to the floor as tears continued to stream down. 

It would be selfish. 

And I hated it. 

I had been joyful in a situation I shouldn't have been. And that was the dilemma. Enjoying my time through someone else's agony. It might have been wonderful at the instant, but it all came crashing down. 

It was all coming back to bite me. 

I needed to redeem myself with her.